Desperation
by Brogue
Summary: COMPLETE If you like Rodney McKay and whumping of the same, this story is for you..... I don't own them I'm just having fun. Set in season 2 before coup d'etat so some minor spoilers....
1. Chapter 1

Part 1 – The Alpha Site

The present

McKay couldn't run, not supporting her weight and so he let her drop to the floor, where she lay blood bubbling from her lips with every breath. He ran to the DHD, killed the incoming wormhole and dialled another address. He ran back to where she lay, pulled her up with him and dragged her with him through the event horizon. He repeated the manoeuvre four more times before he dared to dial the Alpha Site address. She was conscious again, although barely, and they staggered through the event horizon together. Once the wormhole deactivated he gently lowered her to sit leaning against the DHD facing the Stargate. Then he collapsed onto the ground next to her and then turned to kneel looking into her face.

"How are you?" he asked. Her eyes were dim and unfocussed. "Can you hear me? I need to hear you speak." He cupped her face in his hands and forced her to look at him in a bizarre reversal of roles. Her eyelids fluttered and she smiled briefly. Content that she was still alive and conscious, he gently removed the rough bandage he had stuffed into her jacket at her side and packed in a fresh cloth before getting out a bottle of water. He started to sponge down her face and wipe away the blood on her lips. She opened her eyes and he stared back at her, blue on hazel, concern clearly written on his open face.

She started to speak but he hushed her by gently kissing her lips. She smiled again.

"It will be OK, they will come soon, I promise," his voice was low and did not betray the uncertainty he felt. Hell, he did not even know if this place still was the Alpha Site. He would give them five minutes to contact them and then, if no-one came - he would have to think of something else.

"Here, drink," McKay held the bottle up to her lips whilst she drank. His concerned glance took in her pale skin with its slight sheen of sweat, her damp hair, wisps of which stuck to her forehead, her pale lips tinged with blue.

She was shivering again. "It's cold…." she said through chattering teeth.

"We are sitting here in the sun - you will soon warm up," he said.

She nodded and then asked him, "Where are they? Are they coming?" and then leant back against the DHD lapsing into unconsciousness again.

"Hello?" he said. "Are you awake? Wake up!" and shook her gently. No response.

"No!" he yelled. He stood up and staggered forwards towards the dense forest surrounding the Stargate. "Where are you, you bastards!" he shouted at the trees at the edge of the clearing. "Where are you?" It had been five minutes – their presence should have been investigated by now - obviously this Alpha site had been abandoned. It was time for plan B.

He frantically scrabbled around in the dirt and gathered together stones. How many did he need? He swiftly totted up the number of stones he needed - 64. How many times should he repeat the message? That meant another 128. He worked frantically, cutting and scraping his hands as he worked. Finally he had a small cairn of stones in front of the Gate then he ran to the DHD and dialled Atlantis and began to throw the stones at careful intervals into the event horizon praying that there was someone in the gate room who had the intelligence to decipher the message or who had the intelligence to record it and take the recording to someone who did.

Major Lorne's team had just come back from an off world mission when the Stargate activated again behind them. "Unscheduled off world activation."

"Raise the shield."

"Are we receiving anything?"

"Negative, Sir."

It was then that the first projectile struck the shield with a dull thud. "What was that?"

"Residual molecules seem to suggest it was just a rock?"

More thuds followed.

"May be a meteor shower hitting a Space gate?"

More followed. An irregular pattern of dull thuds hit the gate. A few moments silence and then it started again.

Elizabeth looked out of her office and looked questioningly at the duty officer sat at the main control panel. "We don't know what it is, Dr Weir." Elizabeth turned over her should to look at Radek who was sitting in her office. "Do you have any ideas?" she asked. Zalenka sat for a few moments listening and then his face became blank and expressionless.

After a few moments he spoke, a quiet whisper. "It's a message. It's Morse code." Zalenka exploded out of his chair. "It's Morse code," he repeated in a louder voice, "but I can hardly believe what it says. Give me a pen and if that was recorded play it back again." He sat and listened to the recording and scribbled for a few moments and then stared at what he had written. He sat for a few moments and, with disbelief written all over his face, looked up at Elizabeth who was still standing in the doorway.

"We need to send a MALP to that address NOW," he pointed at the Stargate where the shield was sparking with each dull thud as the sequence repeated itself, "and this is why". He thrust his scribbled note in front of her face.

Elizabeth's eyes widened as she read the note. "No…" she exhaled. "It can't be." She looked at Radek, hope dawning in her face.

"I agree, it can't, but we have to send a MALP just in case," the hope in her eyes was reflected in his.

McKay was kneeling again watching her and gently sponging away the sweat on her forehead. She opened her eyes. "Rodney, I want to lie down," and tried to raise her hand up to touch his cheek but failed.

"Well you can't," he said and took her hand in his and kissed it gently. "You've got to stay upright, you've got a punctured lung and I can't let you lie down, I'm sorry."

"Now who has the lousy bedside manner?" she mumbled and closed her eyes again. McKay felt panic rising up in him again. He couldn't fail, not now, not again. They had to get away. What would happen if they were caught was unthinkable.

McKay returned to his frantic collection of stones. What were those dunderheads thinking of? Didn't anyone in that damn city have an ounce of intelligence? He counted the stones. 64, yes, that was enough for one more message. He turned to the DHD but as he did he heard the dialling sequence kick in. He returned to her side and held her hands.

"They're coming," he whispered hoping he was right and that the incoming wormhole was from Atlantis and not elsewhere……

As he saw the MALP break through the event horizon he nearly wept with relief. He ran up to it and started shouting a message, "Elizabeth, it's me, Rodney. I need a med team here now. It's safe for the moment but they might catch up with us any minute so please hurry." He slowly turned the MALP's camera around in 360 degrees to give them the telemetry they needed. "It's just me and her so please come and please keep this wormhole engaged until you do to block the gate – as I said, I'm expecting company." He garbled out a few more instructions and then, as his exertions of the past few hours caught up with him, he crumpled down into a heap on the ground and then crawled slowly over to Sora to wait for help.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2 – Back from the dead**

**The present**

It was not until Sora was out of surgery and resting quietly in the infirmary that Rodney would leave her. He had looked at Carson with an uncharacteristic plea in his blue eyes as a nurse had patched up the abrasions on his hands and knees and cleaned the cut on his cheek bone. "I have to be there when she wakes," he said.

Carson had just nodded. "She'll be under for the next few hours Rodney. I wouldn't want to keep her out for much longer than that so if you're back by six-ish you'll be fine laddie." Carson gave Rodney an appraising look. "I don't suppose you can stay here can you? I'd like to give you a good check out and you look like you could use a good few hours of sleep."

McKay shook his head. "I have to check in and give my report," he said.

"Aye, I thought as much." Carson gave a quick smile and placed his had gently on McKay's arm. "It's good to have you back Rodney."

* * *

**Six months earlier**

A very drunk Lieutenant Colonel sat with an equally drunk Chief Surgeon trying to forget the events of the past 12 hours. Dr Weir looked at the drunken pair and almost smiled. At least they had been able to drown their sorrows. She couldn't afford that luxury herself. She thought back to this morning. She remembered how she had sat at her desk, breathing deeply and trying to compose herself. She had addressed many memorial services but somehow never thought that she would ever speak at McKay's. The man was a survivor. He had seemed somehow invincible and had cheated death so many times it seemed perverse that he could die like this – in an accident. She could remember feeling the constriction in her throat and the fear that she would never get through the service without crying. She remembered steeling herself as she pushed back her chair and walked to the mess room where the memorial was to be held.

Sheppard had sat at the front of the room, the marks of the accident that had taken Rodney's life all to clear on his pale face. Teyla and Ronnan stood behind him, Teyla's hands resting protectively on his wheel chair. Elizabeth walked through the waiting crowd and took her place at the podium and, clearing her throat she began to speak.

"We have gathered here today to pay our respects to, and to honour the life and memory of, Rodney McKay." She paused and then continued with a smile on her face. "Speaking personally, I found him to be the most irritating man I ever knew. He was arrogant, petty and bad tempered. He was also one of the brilliant scientists of our generation; he was caring, compassionate, an appalling cook and, I am proud to say it, my friend."

She broke off and looked around the room making mental note of the people there and, with the habit of a lifetime of diplomacy, trying to assess their response to her words. She saw Zalenka, arms folded defensively across his chest with tears openly running down his face, Katie Brown, her face buried in her hands, sobbing on Cadman's shoulder, Beckett, pale and impassive holding Cadman's hand. She glanced down at Sheppard and saw his hands gripping the arms of his wheelchair until the knuckles were white. Please stop blaming yourself – it was an accident, she willed him to listen, to absolve himself from the guilt she could feel was consuming him but knew that it would take more than the week it had been before John would come to terms with the loss of his friend and favourite protagonist. Elizabeth carried on speaking, trying to pay a fitting tribute to a brilliant man who had, despite himself and all his defence mechanisms, had managed to become one of her closet friends.

"And now I ask you all, please raise your glasses to toast Rodney McKay's life and legacy."

A murmured chorus of, "Rodney McKay," echoed around the mess hall.

"And please, help yourselves to food, and rest assured none of it contains lemon…"

A low chuckle came from the man sitting beside her in the wheel chair, "He would have liked that – damn hypochondriac."

She squeezed his shoulder and said, "I know." She just wished that they had found his body….

**

* * *

****The present**

Elizabeth Weir, John Sheppard and Steven Caldwell sat in the main conference room in the Atlantis control tower waiting for McKay to tell them what had happened to him and where he had been for the past six months. McKay came in accompanied by a security officer and sat down in his usual chair as if he had never been gone. However, instead of his usual stance, leant back in the chair, he sat with his head bent and stared intently at the backs of his hands as he searched for the right words. He decided that he should just jump straight in, drew a deep breath and started to speak his words tumbling over one another in his haste to tell his story.

"I don't remember the accident. Not really. Just that we were packing up and we were in the jumper. It suddenly started moving, there was a jolt and," he shrugged and grimaced, "then I woke up and I was with them and she was there and boy was I mad with you guys." He didn't need to explain who he meant by she. "Then I realised I was in trouble, deep trouble. A doctor came to see me and he told me I had been there for eight days and had been more or less out of it for most of that time. I have no idea if that is true or not, they could have told me anything – I had no frame of reference, they took everything. Hey, what's the day today?" He looked up expectantly.

* * *

**Six months earlier**

For days he had drifted in and out of consciousness making no effort to hold any thought – he just existed in a mist of pain, cold and nausea. Floods of hot and cold swept over him and he alternately shivered with cold and raved in the delirium of fever. He existed and suffered, an overall dull ache punctuated with sharp pains. Intermittently he was aware of activity around him, of low voices, of periods of light and darkness and a voice, insistent, asking him questions, a soft, feminine, persistent voice; and gentle hands sponging down his face. He lost the thread of his thoughts again and drifted off into fevered dreams. Delirium gave way to lucidity and he lay there trying to make sense of what was going on around him. He struggled to move his head and open his eyes but failed. Pain stabbed at his temples and coursed down his neck and into his chest – a low moan escaped him. The quiet whispers that had filled his ears broke off and he heard footsteps coming towards him. The nausea returned and, trying to ignore what he could hear around him, he concentrated instead on a return to oblivion.

His next lucid thought was, Christ this hurt. He focussed on his breathing; it didn't seem so easy any more. His head hurt, his lungs felt as if they were filled with water, there were stabbing pains in his side and that idiot woman was still talking, her words an irritation; an incomprehensible buzzing in his head. He opened his eyes and struggled to focus on the face in front of him, the face that he had seen every time he had returned, however briefly, to consciousness. No, not time to wake up he decided then closed his eyes and tried to will himself back to sleep.

"Can you hear me? Come up, wake up, please, I just saw you open your eyes – please tell me you are awake. Wake up – show me a sign that you can hear me. Wake up, can you hear me?" It was the voice again, the soft and feminine voice. Soft and feminine was usually a plus point, but this voice was relentless which was not as all he wanted to do was to sleep. He knew he would have to acknowledge her before she would go away and let him sleep.

"Shurrup an' g'way," he slurred.

"What did you say? Did you just try to say something?"

Great, he was not only dealing with a jabbering idiot, they were deaf too. Of course he tried to say something but his mouth didn't seem to work at the moment – couldn't they see that? His tongue felt thick and dry. He opened his eyes and focussed on the face in front of him. "Ah crap." He closed his eyes again and concentrated on waking up from this nightmare.

"Can you hear me? What is your name? I need to hear you say something… Speak to me; I need to hear you." The voice was persistent, nagging. McKay faced the fact that maybe this nightmare was real, he was already awake and there was going to be no happy awakening in the Atlantis infirmary. "What did you say to me?" Cool water was dribbled over his dry lips and he licked at it greedily. More water followed and then gentle hands sponged down his face. All the time the questions continued. He now knew she was not going to leave him alone until he responded. Summoning his will power he licked his lips and managed to speak.

"I said, shut up and go away," he enunciated carefully but even so the words were slurred and nearly incomprehensible. "Please," he added as an afterthought.

The gentle sponging down of his face stopped for a moment and he opened his eyes. The face in front of him came into sharp focus – it was a pretty face, young and not someone he had ever expected to see again. He groaned, closed his eyes and mumbled softly, "I am so screwed."

"Do you know who you are? Tell me your name. Do you know who I am?" More questions.

He tried desperately to think of the best thing to say or do but his thoughts moved at the speed of cold treacle. He swallowed and grimaced at the pain this caused and spoke again, "I am Rodney McKay, you are Sora of the Genii and I am so screwed." His voice was the merest whisper but Sora had definitely heard him.

She smiled and then turned away to speak to the medic standing beside her, "Go and tell Dr Felitt that our patient is awake and alert." She turned back to him and resumed sponging down his face. Under normal circumstances a pretty blonde doing this would have classified as an A1 fantasy (although he did prefer shorter hair) but somehow this was not a moment to savour. Normally the blondes in his fantasies were not pale with exhaustion and didn't have deep rings under their eyes.

Sora looked at him again and smiled. "Would you like some more water?" she asked. He gave the slightest of nods and stared at her wondering how the hell he had got into this situation and trying (and failing) to force some sort of order on his mind. She moistened his lips with the sponge and gently dribbled water into his mouth. "I know this must be very confusing you but be assured that I am pleased to see you are awake and lucid, Dr McKay. I have been very worried about you." She smiled again.

He had been savouring the water in his mouth but suddenly swallowed and then inhaled sharply at the pain this caused. "How did I get here?" he demanded. "I can't remember…." He began to panic. "Where are my friends? What have you done to them?" He tried to push himself up to one elbow and succeeded in awakening the dull ache that was his body into a million different searing, stabbing pains. He swore under his breathe, "and what the hell's wrong with me?"

Sora put one hand on his shoulder and gently pushed him back supine. She laid a finger on his lips. "Hush," she said, "don't worry about them – they are fine. Now the doctor is coming to see you."

* * *

**The present**

"Today is the 18th June," said Sheppard.

"Well, what do you know, they told the truth about that," McKay said. He frowned and picked up the glass of water on the table in front of him and his eyes grew distant again. "I don't remember much, just that whenever I woke up, Sora was there. When I came to for a bit longer, she called the doctor; he told me what had happened and where I was," he sighed. "I was in pretty bad shape and it er, kinda, er freaked me out," he confessed.

"The Elians thought you were dead Rodney. You must have been in pretty bad shape for them to think that," Elizabeth's voice was calm and quiet.

"Yeah, well I was," he replied and didn't elaborate further just waved his left hand vaguely towards his right temple where they could see the scar that tracked up into his hair. He knew he would have to go back to see Carson at some stage and the full catalogue could wait until then. He knew that the Elians were not a sophisticated people and, considering his injuries, mistaking him for a corpse was an understandable error although it had caused him to rage in impotent fury for the first few weeks he was with the Genii.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3 – McKay's choice**

**Six months earlier**

A wave of panic surged over him when he fully understood just how deep the trouble was that he was in. The concern on the face of the doctor was almost comical as his heart rate and blood pressure had shot up and his breathing had become ragged and forced.

"You never seen an anxiety attack before huh, huh?" he yelled as forcefully as he could. Nausea, panic, suffocation and fear all fought for the upper hand. He'd been about to really lose it when Sora came back to his side. He remembered so clearly how she looked when she came back to sit next to him, how she had stroked his forehead, held his shoulders and ordered him to look at her, to focus on her, to calm down. He had managed to steady his breathing staring into her eyes until he managed to ask the question, "What do you want with me?" She had told him not to think about that – all he needed to concentrate on was getting better – they had put a lot of time and effort into fixing him up and didn't want him to undo it.

"What do you mean not to worry – you're a bunch of psychos!" he tried to shout the words but ended in a pathetic whisper.

That earned him a wry smile, "I can understand your view point, but you are wrong and also not very tactful but I remember that from before." He had ranted on for a few more minutes until he felt the little strength he had draining from him. He settled down to a quiet fret and was finally given a sedative by the doctor when it became apparent that he would not rest any other way. She had sat with him and he had watched her from beneath the swath of bandages covering the right side of his face. One hand gently rested on his uninjured arm as she waited for him to fall asleep.

He woke several hours later and felt the panic rise again. He looked around and saw that she was still there, asleep in the chair besides him. His panic subsided and he relaxed back into sleep again wondering why her presence made him feel better – was it because she had tried to curb the worst of Kolya's excesses back before the hurricane hit? He let go of the thought as sleep reclaimed him.

* * *

**The present**

"I was there for another three days wondering what the hell they wanted with me – no-one would tell me anything - then Cowen finally came to see me to present me with his offer." He broke off, wondering how much he should say and how much he should leave unsaid. Finally he stood up and walked over to the window and stared out over the sea. "I say he made me an offer but it was more that he presented me with a choice," he shook his head and stared at floor. "He explained to me that you thought me dead…," he hesitated and then corrected himself. "No. He told me that you had left me for dead, that no-one would come looking for me and that either I agreed to be integrated into Genii society and help them developing weapons and defences against the Wraith or they would interrogate me until they had all the information they thought they could get from me and then they would kill me."

He turned around and looked at the faces of his friends. Elizabeth looked horrified; John angry, Caldwell implacable. He didn't want to see their expressions turning to the contempt he was expecting and so he turned to stare out of the window again. "I hope that you don't think less of me for the choice I made," he said in a small voice. "I'm not, I mean I don't, I, er..." McKay stopped and then drew a deep breath and started the sentence again. "What I mean to say is that I knew that under interrogation I would probably give away the fact that we hadn't destroyed Atlantis. I couldn't risk that." He smiled a crooked smile his thoughts lingering on the events of the Genii invasion of Atlantis and gently rubbed the scars on his left forearm. "I think I'd made up my mind before he'd finished speaking but he gave me a week to think about it. They weren't in a rush, they had all the time in the world as, ah, I wasn't going anywhere." He stopped and leant his forehead against the window and stared out across the ocean lost in his own private reverie.

He started violently as a hand gripped his shoulder. It was Sheppard. "Jesus, McKay," he whispered, his hand squeezing McKay's shoulder almost painfully as he tried to convey the strength of his support for his friend. He stared at McKay and wondered how much the scientist's confession had cost him. McKay turned his head and looked directly into Sheppard's eyes. Sheppard could see pain, regret, fear and self contempt in McKay's eyes. "You made the right choice, Rodney. Can't you see that?"

McKay's gaze dropped to the floor and Sheppard slowly let his hand drop from McKay's shoulder and he walked back to his seat. McKay sighed deeply and he too returned to sit down at the conference table, picking up the pen in front of him and playing with it, turning it end over end over end.

He decided he wouldn't tell them more, he wouldn't tell them of the harsh words exchanged between him and Cowen. He did tell them what the Genii leader believed; that Atlantis was destroyed, that the remnants of the expedition were living in refugee camps, hiding in the fleet of puddle jumpers they evacuated the city in. He could still hear Cowen's persuasive words in his head and, as he closed his eyes, he could see Cowen leaning towards him, arms outstretched in one of his expansive gestures, hand chopping at the air as he reinforced his point.

* * *

**Six months earlier**

"Can't you see what we are offering you? We are offering you the chance to strike back at the Wraith. You will have a whole team of scientists and engineers to help you, you will have somewhere relatively safe to live, you will have food, water, warmth and you will have a chance to belong somewhere." Cowen leaned forward in his chair holding McKay's silent blue gaze.

"I need to be with my own people," McKay stared sullenly at Cowen. "I want to go back. Let me go."

"We can't do that," Cowen answered. He corrected himself, "We don't want to do that. Can't you see what happened, your people left you to die – it was only by chance that we were there to find and rescue you. We saved your life and we did it for a reason. We need you Doctor McKay and we need your knowledge – we have lost so much to the Wraith and you can help us get back to what we were. You can do so much more with us than you ever could now with them and perhaps you can even atone for the damage your people did awakening the Wraith."

"Well I was doing a pretty good job of striking back at the Wraith before I even met you and I think we're doing a hell of a lot better at it than you are," McKay snapped back. "And as for atonement…"

Cowen interrupted him. "When you had Atlantis yes, but now? What can you hope to achieve as a refugee? We are offering you a chance to continue your fight."

"And my oh my, what an offer!" McKay snapped back at Cowen feeling the anger welling up inside him; anger at his friends for abandoning him, anger at the Genii for exploiting him, anger at his own helplessness, physical weakness and fear. "So let me just paraphrase this offer, huh? Make sure I've understood? So choice number one is that I live out my life as slave to the bunch of psychotic lunatics who have tried to kill me and my friends a couple of times so far, teaching them how to blow things up bigger and better than ever before. Yes? Choice number two is that I have the current whereabouts of my friends beaten out of me by your tame rottweiler Kolya so you can send him and a pack of his trainee psychos to go and steal what little my friends have left?" He was half sitting up in his bed and waving his good arm in expansive gestures of his own. "Is that about right? Huh?"

Cowen sat back in his chair and smiled. "Not quite how I would have put it but that's more or less it."

As she had during all their exchanges Sora stood in the background, her eyes lingered on McKay's face a slight frown creasing her brow.

McKay lay back on the bed, closed his eyes and turned his head slightly towards the wall. "I am tired, we can talk tomorrow."

Cowen laughed to himself. "You are such an arrogant man, Dr McKay ordering me around from your bed like that but I think that we will work well together." He stood up to go. "Concentrate on getting better. You are going to need your strength. I'll come back in a week to hear your answer," and with that he left. McKay closed his eyes against the hot sting of tears of rage and frustration and concentrated on calming himself down so that he could think.

* * *

**The present**

"I started working with them two weeks later when I was discharged from the hospital. I was given my own quarters and my very own private guard. They didn't trust me you see even though I said I would give their integration programme a try."

He dug around in his jacket and pulled out some sheets of paper. "This is all that I've helped them with. Give it to Zalenka – he'll figure out how to handle it. You did give him my job didn't you?" He looked up questioningly. Elizabeth nodded mutely. "Good. He deserves it. He's brilliant although not quite in my league." An echo of the legendary McKay arrogance came through in that statement. However, he seemed to lose his momentum and sat there quietly, pondering how to continue.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part 4 – Integration**

**Atlantis conference room - the present**

They had sat in uncomfortable silence for five minutes until Elizabeth decided that enough was enough. "I think that you need some rest Rodney. I'd like you to go to the infirmary and have Carson check you over thoroughly. You should spend the night there and we can start again in the morning." He turned to look at her, squinting against the light that shone in through the stained glass of the windows.

"Is that an order?" he asked quietly.

"It's a suggestion," she replied.

Caldwell's scowl deepened. "I agree with Dr Weir. The rest can wait until the morning. We're glad to have you back, Dr McKay."

McKay looked over at Sheppard who, with a troubled frown on his face, nodded and said, "I'm with them on this Rodney. Go get some sleep." McKay sighed and then accepted their decision realising that they probably wanted some time to talk amongst themselves about what he had told them and its implications.

He stood and walked slowly to the door. With one hand on the doorpost he stopped and looked back over his shoulder towards them, "What time?"

"Make it 10.00 unless you would prefer later?" He shook his head and, followed by an S.O. carried on his way back to the infirmary.

When he got there, rather than going straight to see Carson, he made his way to the small room at the far end of the infirmary. He went in, pushed aside the curtains around the bed to stand next to where Sora lay and looked down at her sleeping quietly. He heard Carson coming in behind him. Without taking his eyes off her he asked, "How is she doing?"

"Amazingly well considering I just took a bullet out of her lung. Doesn't look like she has that kind of strength in her does she?" Carson's right hand unconsciously moved up to rub his nose that Sora had broken during the hurricane.

McKay smiled as he saw that gesture. "She certainly is one tough sonofabitch," he muttered.

Carson turned his professional eye to look at Rodney. "So, how are you laddie?" he asked. "Come on, let me have a good look at you whilst she's still asleep. Follow me." McKay followed Carson as he left the room. He sat down on the examination table and obediently did as Carson bade him without the complaints and snarking he would have usually produced.

"So not only was there the head injury, fracture of the humerus, puncture wound in the solar plexus, there was a dislocated shoulder, multiple lacerations, bruising and broken ribs?" McKay nodded. "Anything else you ought to tell me about laddie?"

"Broken leg. But that wasn't in the accident. That was later - about 4 months ago."

Carson looked up at McKay with one eyebrow raised. "And how did that happen?"

McKay swallowed and said, "Impact. It's OK now." His manner discouraged any further questions. "Can we stop?" he asked. "Shouldn't she be waking up soon?"

Carson looked at him and worried about the subdued Rodney McKay he saw before him. "OK that's it for this evening, except that I'd just like to take a wee bit of blood. Tomorrow it's an MRI for you and I'd like to run some neuropsychological testing to make sure there are no leftovers from that head trauma and take a few x-rays of that leg."

Carson reached for his instrument tray and nodded to McKay indicating that he wanted access to his right arm. "Sadist." muttered McKay as he rolled up his sleeve. Carson smiled. That was more the McKay he knew.

Fifteen minutes later McKay was sitting next to Sora waiting for her to wake up.

* * *

Six months ago, the Genii home world

McKay lay staring at the wall. He'd been staring at the same wall for three days now and knew it intimately. He hadn't said a word to anyone since his conversation with Cowen three days earlier. He'd responded to the medical staff's questions with minute nods or shakes of his head and had flatly refused to respond to Sora's overtures at conversation.

He knew which of the two options Cowen had presented him with he would choose and, in his heart of hearts, he knew that it was the right one, but it still felt like a betrayal of his friends. As he thought about them he felt the anger build up again. How could they have let this happen to him?

We don't leave our people behind.

How could they have done this? He wanted to scream, to shout at someone, to hit out, to make someone suffer.

He had never felt more alone in his life.

He heard someone walking towards his bed. "Do you want to talk Dr McKay?" Sora was back. She perched on the edge of McKay's bed and laid a hand on his wrist. He moved his arm away breaking the contact and carried on staring at the wall.

She persisted. "Dr McKay, I know that this is not easy for you but it is better that you make your choice, accept it and start building a life for yourself here." McKay grunted and carried on staring at the wall. Sora sighed and then tried again. "Dr McKay, the Genii are very experienced in this. Integrating people into our society is part of our culture and history. It is one of the ways we acquire knowledge and new ideas. We have always welcomed worthy refugees from other worlds that have culled and have provided them with a safe haven here."

"I'm not a refugee. I am a prisoner," he said through clenched teeth.

Encouraged by the fact he had responded at all she carried on, putting her hand on his wrist again. "Our experience has shown us that there is a standard pattern of behaviour for those being assimilated into our society."

McKay snorted and turned to her. "Assimilated? As in resistance is futile?" he snapped.

Sora frowned. "I don't understand."

McKay sighed, of course she wouldn't. He shook off her hand again and went back to staring at the wall. He wondered abstractly if the discolouration at the bottom of the wall was due to rising damp or some sort of problem with condensation running down the walls and how there came to be a splodge of brown paint halfway up the wall.

Sora looked down at the man lying in the bed and decided to persist. His body language showed resignation and defeat. She could feel the anger and despair emanating from him. "As I said, there is a standard pattern of behaviour for those being assimilated when they have not joined us…" she hesitated looking for the right word, "when they have not joined us willingly. There are several weeks or months of denial, anger and defiance and then there is acceptance, co-operation and integration. Those who are fully integrated lead happy and purposeful lives. You are in the first stage and you must find a way to reach the second stage so that you can…"

McKay couldn't contain himself. He turned over, propped himself up on one elbow, ignoring the protests from his broken ribs, and launched into a tirade cutting her off. "Oh this is such twaddle. I'm fed up of your amateur psycho-babble. I can tell you exactly what you're talking about - we call it Stockholm Syndrome and, I hate to disappoint you, it isn't going to happen to me. I will never live a happy or purposeful life as I define it here with you. I am a prisoner. You are holding me here against my will and you are threatening to kill me if I don't comply. I've made up my mind to co-operate with you as the alternative is not exactly appealing but don't expect me to enjoy it." He gingerly lowered himself back down onto the bed again wincing at the pain his manoeuvres had caused him and then turned to face the wall.

Sora felt relief that McKay would co-operate although from what she knew of him she doubted that his co-operation would be either full or genuine. However, to state that he would co-operate at all was an unexpected boon and she decided to push home the advantage his admission gave her.

"Can I just ask you a question, Dr McKay? Where would you be if we hadn't saved you? Your friends left you for dead. They abandoned you. If we hadn't have found you, you would have either died from hypothermia, loss of blood or you would have drowned when your ship went through the ice into the water. You would have died without us. Don't you think you owe us something?" Sora decided that was enough for now and stood up to leave.

McKay closed his eyes. "They would have come for me," he said.


	5. Chapter 5

**Part Five**

**Six months ago – The Genii home-world**

As Sora left the infirmary she paused and turned to look at McKay lying on the bed, his face turned to the wall. She knew what she had to do and she hated it but she knew it was the only way to save his life.

She walked quickly though the underground corridors of the Genii to get to Cowen's complex. She knocked and was let in by an armed guard who led her through the reception area to Cowen's office. As she entered she could see Cowen working at his desk and wondered when she started doubting the philosophy of the Genii - the end justifies the means.

Was it when she had witnessed Kolya kill two of the Lanteans in cold blood? They had been kind, compassionate, foolish men who had been duped into coming to the aid of counterfeit refugees and who were then victim to the hidden killer. He might as well have shot them in the back for all the honour he had shown that day.

Or was it before then when she faced up to the fact that her father; her adored and adoring father; had killed an innocent victim of the Wraith rather than trying to save them? He had paid for that action with his life an event which had sparked Sora's killing rage and had driven her to join the strike force training programme. If the truth were to be told she did not know when the doubt first entered her mind, all she knew was that her world was no longer the black and white that she had known – shades of grey were now creeping in and her uncertainty was tearing her apart. She now understood that her rage - the blind fury of revenge for her father's death - was a symptom of that uncertainty and her grief for her lost faith.

"I have lost my faith," she whispered to herself as she stood watching the man with the power of life and death over her and everyone else on the Genii home-world.

As she watched she thought back to the time she had spent with the Lanteans. She remembered protesting against the killing of the guards, of speaking out in support of keeping Dr Weir alive when McKay had stepped between her and Kolya's gun, of the respect with which the Lanteans had treated her and the dignity they had allowed her when she was their prisoner. She remembered the thanks that had been given to her for her help in the dark days of the siege by the Wraith. She had made her peace with Teyla and had laid her father's and her mother's ghosts to rest.

Her return to the Genii had not been easy – she had been exchanged for the A bomb prototypes that the Lanteans had needed for their last desperate strike at the Wraith and that the Genii wanted to test. On her return she had been questioned for hours to gather intelligence about Atlantis and had answered as best she could but the doubt in her mind grew as she contrasted the behaviour of the Genii with that she had seen from the Lanteans. However, hiding her growing doubt and turmoil had been paramount to her survival and somehow she had done it. The façade had nearly cracked when she had learned that the Lanteans had used the Genii bombs to destroy Atlantis in order to protect their home-world. Her relief when the first intelligence reports of survivors began to surface had been overwhelming.

Cowen looked up; a halo of light from his desk lamp surrounded him and she blinked trying to read the expression on his face against the glare. "Ah Sora! You've come to report. Come in and sit down." He waved towards the chair in front of his desk.

"If you don't mind, Sir I would prefer to stand," she knew that Cowen enjoyed being treated with respect and it did not hurt to pander to his ego.

"As you wish." Cowen stood up and walked around the desk, leant against it and gestured for her to start. "Well come on then," he urged, "how are you progressing with Dr McKay? How is he?"

"I have maintained my programme of visits and conversations and I believe that Dr McKay will co-operate with us. However, it will not be an easy process and I will need to dedicate a great deal of time to this project. As you know he is intelligent, intuitive and analytical. He will see through all but the most subtle attempts at manipulation. He does however have a weak spot – his belief that his people abandoned him. If I work on this, if I use this angle, I believe that I will be able to achieve a partial integration although I am not sure we should ever fully trust him." Sora's voice was clear and measured, not betraying a hint of her hidden agenda.

Cowen smiled broadly and gave a small hiss of pleasure. "Excellent, excellent," he said, an almost gleeful expression on his face as he rubbed his hands together. "And how is he physically?"

She frowned. "He is still very weak, suffering from headaches and is easily fatigued. However, Dr Fellit is pleased with his progress. He thinks Dr McKay will be recovered enough to leave the hospital in about two week's time, maybe less. There will be a programme of physiotherapy but Dr Fellit believes that he should make a full recovery in time."

"Well done Sora. I am pleased with you. Without your quick thinking and action this opportunity would have been lost to us." Cowen beamed at Sora with a smile that did not quite reach his eyes. His expression changed in an instant and the smile became the tight lipped frown she knew so well. "However, are you sure that you can keep up with this? There are implications to your role in this." Cowen studied Sora's face intently. He knew how much her father's death had affected her. She had become more withdrawn and silent but he knew that her belief in the Genii's destiny had never waived.

"I am ready for this task, Sir and I want to do it. I meant what I said to you when I asked for this assignment – I will do anything to advance our cause and I believe that McKay could be a key part in restoring us to what we used to be." She stood tall looking straight ahead. Her soldier's stance at odds with the tumbling curls of titian blond hair that fell mid way down her back. She stared directly into Cowen's eyes. "I can do this," she stated quietly. She could see some hint of doubt of her abilities in Cowen's eyes. "I know I am young, Sir but I have had a baptism of fire. I am the right person to do this and you know it. I don't think that anyone else would have been able to get the results I already have." She hoped that her desperation was not coming through in her voice. What she tried to convey was her zeal and commitment, not her personal stake.

Cowen raised his hands to signal his acquiescence. "Alright, alright. We proceed as you have planned. I would suggest we arrange quarters close to the main science block and a programme of work starting with the weapons project. What do you think will act as a motivator for McKay?" he asked.

"Intellectual stimulation, teaching, privacy in his own time. Being right. Being able to win an argument with you."

"Good – I concur. Let's give it to him."

* * *

**The present - Atlantis infirmary**

"Rodney?" Sora woke up and opened her eyes. The first thing she saw was McKay asleep sprawled in a chair next to her bed. "Rodney?" she said again concern for him in her voice. She started as she heard someone else step up to her bed.

Carson was standing there and laid a hand on her wrist and then spoke softly, "Don't you worry about him lassie. He's just sleeping. I'll wake him up if you like?"

She shook her head. "Let him sleep," she said. "Where are we?" she asked.

"Atlantis Alpha Site, the new one," Carson said.

Sora smiled and relaxed against the pillows. They had made it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Part Six**

**The present - Atlantis infirmary**

McKay was sleeping sprawled in a chair next to Sora's bed. His head was thrown back and he was snoring gently.

"Do you want me to shift him?" Carson asked Sora as he finished up making her comfortable after her check up, nodding at the sleeping figure. "You need to rest and I don't see how you can do it with that racket going on." Carson smiled affectionately at McKay his back to Sora.

Sora smiled to herself. "I'm used to it," she whispered softly.

Carson's eyebrows shot up and he looked sideways at McKay wondering just what had happened in the six months that McKay had been missing. Keeping his back turned to Sora he went to put his clipboard down on the table but misjudged the distance and it dropped to the floor with a clatter. McKay woke with a start. He looked around in a panic, confused, blinking away the sleep. He saw Sora, awake on the bed, propped up on the pillows smiling at him. "Hello," she said.

He leant forward and took one of her hands in both of, his face stricken. "Oh God Sora, I'm so sorry, I wanted to be here when you woke up. I must have dozed off, I am so sorry."

She smiled again and squeezed his hands. "You were here, you were just asleep, that's all. I woke up and saw you and knew we were safe."

He gently brushed aside a stray lock of hair and, leaning forward, kissed her softly and then rested his forehead against hers. "Yes we are. We did it Sora, we're safe, and you're going to be fine, just fine," he murmured nuzzling against her pale cheek. "Carson told me you're doing great and that in a couple of weeks you'll be back on your feet and out of here…."

Carson watched the exchange astonished how at ease McKay was with Sora. There was none of the awkwardness and nervousness that McKay usually displayed with women - he was Romeo to his Juliet and obviously oblivious to Carson's presence. Carson coughed to let him know they were not alone. Rodney froze and then straightened up. "Oh, er, Carson. I, er, didn't see you. I, er, I just wanted to, er, check on Sora and she, er, I …." He stopped and looked around him in confusion.

"I'll leave you two a bit of space then eh?" Carson moved towards the door. "We'll be in to check on you every hour and if you feel any shortage of breath at all you just press that button there and we'll come running. D'ye understand lassie?". Sora nodded. "And you," pointing at McKay, "when you've finished up here we've made you up a bed in the next room."

Sora frowned and threw a nervous glance at McKay who shifted to stand protectively by Sora. "I'm fine here Carson, I really am. I'll just sleep in the chair." Carson gave him that look – the one that he used to silence opposition from obstreperous patients. This time it didn't work, McKay just stood there, a slightly defiant expression on his face.

"Alright Rodney, we'll wheel a bed in here for you, but if you keep her awake with your snoring, you're out. D'ye understand?". McKay nodded and sat down again, his eyes locked with Sora's, the fingers of his right hand entwining in the loose curls of her hair whilst his left hand rested on her right one.

Carson slowly backed out of the room almost holding his breath. "Jeez, has he got it bad," he thought to himself.

* * *

**The present – Atlantis conference room**

Carson walked quickly through the halls of Atlantis to the conference room where Weir, Sheppard and Caldwell were waiting for him to join them. As he entered the room, they were sitting and talking quietly together. Elizabeth looked up and said, "Carson, come in, glad you could make it so soon. How're your patients?"

Carson sighed. "Well Sora's doing fine – she might look delicate but believe me, the lassie's as tough as old boots. She'll back on her feet in no time although, with the amount of blood she lost, it was touch and go for a wee while." He paused and bit his lip worriedly before continuing. "I'm worried about Rodney. From what I can piece together he's had one hell of a rough time. He reeled off the list of McKay's injuries and then outlined the tests he wanted to run in the morning. "My biggest worry is that he is quite simply exhausted – I've never seen him so drained, not even after some of the scrapes I've seen him get into in the past."

"From what you've seen so far, Dr Beckett, has he suffered any permanent damage?" Caldwell asked interrupting Carson's report.

Carson shrugged. "It's too early to tell. I'll need to have the MRI results, run some neuropsychological tests, get X rays, that sort of thing before I can make that kind of assessment. I also strongly recommend that he should see Dr Heightmeyer– I can't imagine how it must have been for him, what he's been through. There's bound to have been some psychological effect." Carson hesitated again, "You know that Rodney and Sora are…" he paused and gestured clumsily with both hands for a few minutes as he searched for words, "an item?" he concluded lamely.

"We kind of worked that out ourselves Carson," said Sheppard with a grimace. "I mean I know he likes blondes but a member of the Genii elite guard? I just don't quite see it – I mean what was the first date?" Sheppard's words were light hearted but the concern behind them was apparent to all.

Elizabeth interrupted him. "Why are you so worried Carson?"

The Scot shrugged his shoulders and held his arms out, palms upwards. "He's a bloody mess, Elizabeth, that's the only way I can sum it up. You know that he's briefed us to tell Sora that this is the new Alpha Site not Atlantis?" She nodded. "He doesn't trust her Elizabeth. And if he doesn't trust her, why is she here? And if he's as smitten as he seems to be, why doesn't he trust her?"

Elizabeth shook her head. "I guess we will find out tomorrow and until then I don't think there is any mileage in our discussing this anymore. But there are a few things we can do. Sheppard, can you see about organising to get McKay's things out of storage and get some quarters for him?" John nodded.

"Are you suggesting that we let him have free access to Atlantis? Does that seem wise to you when Dr Beckett has just said he has doubts as to Dr McKay's mental state?" Caldwell challenged Elizabeth.

Elizabeth sighed deeply and started to answer, "Colonel, I am suggesting that we welcome Dr McKay back to us as warmly as we can. He is member of our team and…" John interrupted her angrily.

"And we left him behind and he has been through six month's of hell – that's all Dr Beckett was saying, not that he's unstable and a security risk Caldwell. McKay is one of us and I am damn glad to have him back. I just hope to hell he forgives us for leaving him behind."

"I understand your point Sheppard but we can't overlook security protocols."

Sheppard nodded and gave a Caldwell a conciliatory smile. "I know – I just…" he stopped not knowing how to put his feelings of guilt and responsibility into words.

* * *

**The present – Atlantis infirmary**

"Have you asked them for asylum for me Rodney?" Sora asked.

He shook his head. "Not yet. I didn't have a chance, they've decided I need to rest before I give them a full report. I'll do it, I promise."

"Thank you," she mumbled and relaxed back on the pillows, her eyes drooping with fatigue. "Hold me," she commanded. McKay did as she asked and she soon fell asleep with his arms protectively wrapped around her. When he was sure she was asleep, he gently disengaged himself and then as quietly as he could he pushed the second bed as close to hers as possible before he lay down and pulled the blankets over him. With one hand outstretched resting gently on Sora's wrist he fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Part 7 - Confrontation**

**The present - Atlantis conference room**

McKay reported to the Atlantis conference room at 10.00 the next morning ready to give the next chapter of his report.

"How are you feeling Rodney?" asked Elizabeth as he walked in. She was pleased to see that he looked better, the colour of his skin had improved and the tension in his jaw seemed to have relaxed to some extent.

"I was great until Carson started hooking me up to his voodoo equipment. The only thing he didn't do is sacrifice a white cockerel – the man's a witch doctor, I'm telling you." Elizabeth smiled. This was more the McKay she knew.

"Hey, how much is it worth for me NOT to repeat that?" Sheppard joked as he sat down at the conference table.

"Oh, I've got dirt on you too Colonel so you just think twice before you mess with someone with IQ double your own OK?" McKay sparred back instantly. He was feeling better, he had slept properly for the first time in months and was back where he belonged. He could feel the doubts and insecurities he'd developed during the time with the Genii slipping away. Almost.

He grabbed himself a coffee and plonked himself down in a chair and leant back enjoying the sensations of home.

"Are you ready to tell us more now Rodney?" Elizabeth's question brought him back down to earth with a thump. He sat up and some of the air of confidence left him as he considered how to re-start telling his story.

"First things first. Sora's requesting asylum with us. She can't go back." Rodney looked at Elizabeth, his expression a combination of defiance and guilt.

"Well, we can talk about that. Why does she need asylum?" she asked.

"Because she helped me escape. She can't go back." McKay answered.

"Can we trust her Rodney?" Elizabeth's voice was quite and calm as always. She was not prepared for the effect her words had on McKay. He closed his eyes, his shoulders drooped and his head sunk into his hands. Concerned Elizabeth put a hand on McKay's shoulder. "Rodney?"

He sat up and started to speak gesticulating wildly. "I'm not the right person to answer that question. I trust her but if I look at this intellectually I know I shouldn't because I've been affected by this whole thing. I trust her because of how I feel about her but I know that those feelings didn't develop naturally. I can't expect you to trust her just because I say so – you'll have to make your own judgement – speak to her yourself." He felt as if he was betraying Sora and he groaned quietly to himself and buried his face in his hands. Abruptly he looked up, "If I'm honest Elizabeth, I don't know if I should trust her but I do – she saved my life, more than once and she has kept me sane. Jesus, they messed with my head so much that I didn't want to come back at one stage, you know that? They had me hating you all for what you did…. Sora brought me back from that, she kept me sane. And what's messing with my head even more is that I don't know whether what I feel for her is genuine or whether it's some bizarre psychological effect of what has happened. I know that they wanted me to feel that way. They did everything they could to make it happen. I even," he stopped abruptly. "Up to the very moment she stepped in front of that bullet for me I was still doubting her and now I hate myself for it…….. You're not following this are you?" he asked suddenly noticing the lack of comprehension on their faces.

"Why don't you start where we left off?" Sheppard suggested.

* * *

The Genii homeworld - five months ago 

"McKay what are you doing?" Sora ran to catch up with him as he limped towards Cowen's complex.

"The man is mad. I need to go and talk some sense into that megalomaniac, Cowen," he replied.

"This is not the right way to do it. You'll need to make an appointment – you can't just barge in," Sora grabbed his arm and tried to get him to turn to face her.

"I've tried that and you know I've tried it. Now I'm doing it my way." McKay shook off her arm and carried on down the corridor. It had been a week since he had left the hospital and two days since he started working with Genii scientists. He had convinced himself that all he needed to do was to bide his time and an opportunity would present itself for him to escape. So far he had been accompanied by a guard where-ever he went, he was locked into his quarters at night and he was as weak as a kitten. Added to that he usually had Sora with him indoctrinating him with Genii doublethink so he hadn't had even the faintest whisper of an opportunity. So he had instead decided to wait and had filled his time by concentrating on the data he was given. He had already come to the conclusion that the priorities he was given to work on were wrong. The Genii were being killed by their own hand and although he could have stood back and let them do it, he found he couldn't. He'd seen a member of his own team die of radiation poisoning and he would do anything to stop it happening to anyone else, even the Genii.

"McKay, at least let me come with you," Sora grabbed his arm again.

"Well since you are responsible for my political education I graciously give you my permission." McKay had quickly discovered that to highlight his "involuntary" entrance into the Genii integration programme and to accuse Sora of political indoctrination was a red flag to a bull. She had freely admitted that he was her job and that she was responsible for his integration into Genii society but she denied all the charges of propaganda and indoctrination that he threw at her. He enjoyed yanking her chain and somehow he got the impression she quite enjoyed it too. He was troubled by how much pleasure he took in her company and choose not to think about it too much.

He reached the entrance of Cowen's complex and was stopped short in his tracks by the armed guards that stood outside. "Get out of my way," he ordered them fixing them with a superior look. The guards gaped at him. "Are you deaf?" he asked. "I said out of the way." The guards looked over McKay's shoulder at Sora. She gave them the briefest of nods and they stood aside to let them in.

"Why are you ignoring my recommendations?" McKay launched straight in.

"Dr McKay, I thought I was clear with you. We want you to build us weapons and defence systems. Not develop a health and safety code for our workers." Cowen carried on writing, not looking up. "Will you please get back to your job?"

McKay shifted uneasily and then, carefully settling his good arm against his broken one in the sling to mimic a pose of defiant folded arms, said "No."

"What do you mean? No?"

"Are you seriously telling me that you don't know what 'no' means?" McKay replied facetiously. "Look, you have to listen to me. I will work on your weapons programme but first of all I need to stop the damage you are doing to your people."

Cowen grimaced. "If you've come to talk to me about damaging levels of radiation again then I don't want to hear it Dr McKay. My Chief Scientist has already reassured me that the levels we are exposed to are acceptable."

"Well, maybe acceptable if you're OK with your offspring having a few too many limbs and the odd extra nostril, but not acceptable to anyone who wants to keep their DNA intact to pass on to the next generation. Will you listen to me – he is wrong." McKay emphasised his point by slapping his hand down on the table. "Christ Almighty, you kidnap me and keep me prisoner here for my knowledge and now you're not listening to what I'm telling you. Listen to me, your people will die if you don't do something about the levels of radiation down here. All of your brightest and best scientists are being exposed to radiation levels that will sooner or later kill or incapacitate them. I can fix that if you let me."

Cowen was staring at McKay's hand on the table in front of him. McKay slowly withdrew it. "And the shielding I can build will hide your reactors from Wraith scanners," he concluded. McKay was hoping that this fact would be enough to make Cowen accede to his request.

"If we detect the Wraith we just power down." Cowen's expression was neutral however, his interest was sparked.

"Now yes, but not in a couple of years time. There is so much radiation building up here that pretty soon even shutting down the reactors won't make much difference. The Wraith will be able to detect the residual. And can you guarantee to detect the Wraith coming every time?"

"Why should I believe you?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe you should listen because I am a genius? Or maybe because I live here and I don't want to die from either radiation poisoning OR from a Wraith culling."

Cowen leant back on his chair and gave McKay a considered stare. This might just be the argument to let him win he said to himself. "How long would it take you to do this?"

"Didn't you read the plan I sent you? Why do I bother? Three weeks to design the programme and train the right people, after that I will just need to supervise – maybe an hour or so every couple of days. Let me use Evert and it might go even quicker."

Cowen smiled. "Alright, I will indulge you Dr McKay. Do it – you will have the help you need."

* * *

**The present – Atlantis conference room**

McKay paused. He thought back to the almost euphoric feeling he had when Cowen had agreed to let him work on the shielding. The feeling had lasted until he had seen the almost undetectable triumphant look exchanged between Cowen and Sora and then he had realised it was all a set up – another manipulation. He had worked mechanically for the rest of the day and then retired to his quarters where he had lain on his bed staring at the ceiling indulging in the darkest depression he could muster.

"After the shielding was fixed I convinced them to let me look at their air systems although they wanted me to look at deep space tracking…. It was then I got the idea of how I would get away."

* * *

Please, please, please leave a review... I crave them. Don't make me beg even more... It is not becoming... This is my first ever fan fic so I am looking for constructive criticism. Thank you.


	8. Chapter 8

**Part 8 - Escape**

**Present day – Atlantis**

Rodney McKay was sitting in the conference room of Atlantis feeling glad to be alive. He was reunited with his friends and colleagues and safely away from the Genii. He started to tell them about his first attempt at escape.

"As I said it was working on the air circulation system that gave me my chance to get away. There was a whole network of the damn things. Whoever the Genii were before the Wraith decimated them they were a pretty impressive bunch of engineers. The air circulation networks reach everywhere, throughout the whole underground base. I, er, nicknamed them Jeffries tubes… The name caught on and everyone called them that." He laughed and paused, a self satisfied smirk on his face. Hearing the Genii refer to their air circulation system as Jeffries tubes had provided him with sorely needed amusement. He looked up and saw the blank looks. "You know, Jeffries tubes! As in Star Trek? Jeez you are so square…. Look, I just needed a laugh OK?" He shook his head and put on his serious face again. "Anyway, the air circulation system provided me with a way to get out. I saw a chance and I took it."

* * *

**4 months ago, the Genii home world**

After the confrontation with Cowen and the black depression that followed it, McKay's life settled into a routine that he found himself beginning to accept as normality.

He would get up, shower, shave and dress. His door would be unlocked by seven in the morning and, if he wanted to, he was free to roam the base with a guard following at a discreet distance. He spent this time most mornings wandering around the base studying it, looking for ways out…. Since his outburst his presence was required most days in Cowen's office by eight for breakfast. Cowen would ask for an update on McKay's work and would then spend the rest of the time in indoctrination, repeating the story of how the Lanteans had abandoned him, how they had caused only problems in the Pegasus galaxy and how he, McKay, needed to help the Genii to atone for these things.

McKay hated this contact and when Cowen was speaking he concentrated on the food, shovelling as much into his mouth as possible trying to block out any comments about how McKay had been abandoned by his friends, left to die, no hope of return, abandoned, betrayed…..

"Why can't you recognise that they left you to die, McKay?"

He would ignore the questions and try to distract himself by asking for more food, more drink or if they were done and if he could go.

Between half past eight and quarter to nine, Sora would arrive at Cowen's complex and they would walk together to the labs where he would meet with the science and engineering teams, be briefed on any new developments and then launch into the day's work. Sora would meet him at one and would walk with him to the canteen or she would bring him food and they would eat in the lab. Depending on McKay's mood they would either talk non stop or quarrel or McKay would glower in silence and listen to Sora's arguments for willingly joining the Genii.

Every sixth day he would be given the day off and he was forbidden to work. "Oh come on – this can't be true. Who are you anyway? Big Brother? What the hell else have I got to do?" he complained when he found out. But the rule stood firm, "Doctor's orders," was all the answer he got to his complaints but he suspected that there was more than that. On his enforced rest days McKay would spend his time either wandering aimlessly around the Genii base, staring for hours at the waterfalls generating hydro electric power or lying on his bed transcribing musical scores from memory and would then play them back in his mind.

On several occasions members of his team invited him to their homes, to meet their families or to join them for recreational activities. Each time he politely refused much to Sora's irritation. She would join him on his walks to talk to him. It was on one such walk that he realised she meant more to him than he was comfortable with. Sora had been in the middle of another diatribe lecturing on acceptance and conforming with Genii standards when he had stopped and interrupted her.

"I thought this was my day off?" he said.

"It is," Sora replied.

"Then will you please give political indoctrination chapter 3 a miss? I'm bored of it. Can't you just tell me about something else? Anything, just not this continuous rendition of come to the Dark Side..… Please, I'm serious. Tell me something about yourself," he threw her a challenging look. "Or is that not allowed?"

She had smiled and asked, "What do you want to know?"

"Hell, I don't know. Anything. What's your favourite colour? Have you ever had a disturbing experience with ice cream? What did you want to be when you were a kid?"

Her mouth tightened and she raised her chin defensively. "I wanted to be just like my father," she replied. "He was one of the most respected commanders in the Defence sector. I wanted to be just like him." She had turned away and stared into the waterfall and McKay had watched in amazed embarrassment as a tear formed and then ran down her cheek. Before he realised what he was doing he had reached out and gently brushed it away and then laid his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry about Tyrus," he said awkwardly.

Sora angrily wiped her eyes and whispered her reply, "Don't be. I know what happened and I know what he did. He answered for it and now he's gone... I just wish he had been what I thought he was, that's all." They had stood there for a few minutes in silence, McKay with his hand on her shoulder not knowing what to say or do. Eventually Sora smiled and said, "Blue. My favourite colour…"

McKay was thrown for a few seconds and then answered, "What about the ice cream?" a hopeful expression on his face. Sora snorted, "In your dreams…" then gave him a shove and then took his arm to escort him to the canteen.

That evening, after the guard locked the door of his quarters, McKay lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. With a shock he realised that he had actually enjoyed his day off. He had enjoyed spending time with Sora. He realised that he needed to get away before the feelings he was developing for her got out of control. It did not help him to analyse it and it certainly didn't help him that he knew this was an aspect of human psychology that had evolved over the years as a survival trait. He just knew he had to get away from her before he was in too deep. The next day he started work on putting his plan to get away into action.

It took him a week to smuggle the tools he needed back to his quarters from under the watchful eyes of his guardians. He decided that the time was right to make his move. Physically he was almost back to normal, his headaches had pretty much gone, he could use his arm and shoulder again normally although he was still pretty weak. He worked in silence, in the dark removing the grill over the air circulation conduit that serviced his room.

* * *

**Atlantis, the Present.**

"I got into the air circulation system via the conduit that led to my room. Then I crawled though the Jeffries tubes up to the surface – I'd had full access to the schematics and knew exactly where to go. I got to the surface, got to the gate, dialled it and got through," he stopped and sighed deeply. "Unfortunately I was detected as I activated the gate and I wasn't fast enough cutting off the wormhole the other side. Three Genii soldiers came through after me. I tried to get the local people to help me but they just told them I was a deserter, a criminal, a danger to them. I don't think they believed them but they were too scared of the Genii to do anything but turn a blind eye," McKay's voice was bitter as he remembered how he had run to the nearest settlement and begged for asylum that had not been granted. The soldiers had followed him and no-one had stepped forward to help as he had been dragged back towards the Stargate. They had been brutally efficient in the exercise of their mission and not one person had stepped forward to answer his desperate pleas…


	9. Chapter 9

**Part 9 - Re-education I **

**Atlantis – the present day.**

McKay couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice. "The address I dialled was P3M-638. You know the planet we helped by sorting out their irrigation system? I was sure that there would be someone there who would recognise me, I begged them….." his voice choked off to silence. "Are we still in contact with them?" he asked looking at Elizabeth, anger showing clearly in his eyes. She shook her head.

"P3M-638 was culled four months ago Rodney. You must have been there shortly before it happened." McKay's anger turned to pain and he shook his head swearing softly under his breath.

"Anyway, they took me back, chucked me in a cell for week or so and then offered me the same deal as before but with a slight variation." McKay tried to keep his voice steady as he spoke but could hear the tremor in his voice. "They were pretty persuasive."

* * *

**Four months ago – the Genii home world**

He opened his eyes and a wave of nausea swept over him. He quickly shut his eyes again. Fear battled with panic. He breathed deeply trying to calm his nerves and failing. "I'm a dead man", he whispered under his breath. He tried to pull himself together. "Find a happy place... Find a happy place..." he repeated the mantra to himself over and over. Crap, that wasn't working - he just had to face up to it. He was not in a happy place... He tried opening his eyes again. Blinking desperately he screwed up his eyes in an attempt to focus them. He was in a room lit by a bare bulb set into the plain concrete ceiling above him. Crap, crap, crap. Memory came flooding back. He'd been at the gate, he'd managed to dial and get through but they had managed to stop him. Crap, crap, crap. He remembered kicking and screaming as they had dragged him back towards the gate…. He had fought against them with a strength borne of desperation and had managed to get away and had run to the settlement. He remembered begging, pleading for help that didn't come. Now he was back with the Genii and didn't want think about what would happen to him now.

As his eyes adjusted to the light he squinted around him. He was in a bare cell lying on the floor, it was cold and damp. He cautiously propped himself up on his elbow – not a good move. He lay back down again and, wincing, explored the bump at the side of his head. No blood, but it felt like he had a concussion to deal with. He rolled onto his side and slowly sat up. The nausea returned and he sank his head down to his knees and concentrated on breathing in and out and clamped his jaws shut against the overwhelming need to vomit.

"Here, take this." Someone shoved a bowl unceremoniously into his lap. McKay squinted up to see who had given it to him. The slight movement of his head was enough to cause the nausea to overpower him and he vomited into the bowl. Thankfully after a few minutes the heaving subsided and the nausea with it.

"Do you still need this?" McKay cautiously shook his head and the bowl was taken from his hands and replaced with a damp cloth. He took it gratefully and wiped his face and neck and then held it against the lump at the side of his head and looked up again to meet Sora's eyes.

"Well, what do you have to say for yourself?" She stood in front of McKay, her stance betraying her anger.

"What do you expect me to say, Sora?" his voice was tired and low. "So sorry, I was having the time of my life being a slave for a bunch of psychos but just had to dash?" He had failed and would not get a second chance. If he was unlucky he was headed for a very unpleasant last few weeks of his life. Even if that did not happen he didn't imagine that he was in for summer camp. He tried not to think of it, not to let the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach take over.

Sora was not impressed by his facetious answer. "You are an idiot," she hissed at him. "Do you know what you've done?" McKay looked up at her unused to hearing such passion in Sora's voice.

"Well actually yes I do," he said. "They didn't hit me over the head that hard and I'm not an idiot, remember?"

"No you don't know what you've done," she stamped her foot in frustration and impotence. "Your guard has been flogged and demoted." McKay grimaced but said nothing. He knew Sora well enough to know that this was not what was really bothering her. "He will then be assigned to surface work continuously". McKay winced – the man had effectively received a death sentence in the next culling.

He shrugged, "Look, I hope you are not expecting me to get upset about that? The man's a gorilla and I've got some more pressing matters to worry about OK?" he snapped back at her and then winced as his head started pounding again.

"Well that's what I'm here to talk to you about," she stared at him. "Cowen is willing to give you another chance." Relief flooded over McKay in an almost physical surge. He looked up at Sora in disbelief. She nodded, "You have to understand how important you are to us McKay. We risked a lot to rescue you and have put a lot of time and effort into fixing you up. The work you've done so far has shown us how much you could do for us."

"Hey, don't think flattery is going to work here OK? I stick to what I said before, I will co-operate with you but I will never integrate. I'm a prisoner here in case that had escaped your notice?"

Sora nodded, "You are a prisoner at the moment but that it because you broke the rules. Cowen is furious. He thinks my judgement of you was flawed and he is now going to step in personally to oversee your integration and re -education."

McKay's stomach knotted. "Re-education?"

She nodded and swallowed. "After re-education we go back to how things were but Cowen has appointed me as guarantor for your behaviour."

McKay sat very still and then said, "Wait a minute, wait a minute. You are going to be guarantor for _my_ behaviour? How does that work? I'm me, you're you, you can't be held accountable for my actions. Oh dear God….." he broke off as the realisation hit him. "They will punish you if I step out of line because they think that I and… that you and me… err we?" he couldn't find the right words and stammered to a halt.

She nodded.

"You have GOT to be kidding me, right? This is great, just great. You know, you guys are one sick bunch. I hardly know you, you're nothing to me, I have no duty to you. You're one of them – what the hell do you think this will achieve?" He was standing up now albeit unsteadily.

Sora looked at him, her expression unreadable. "Am I really nothing to you?" she asked.

McKay looked at her and then turned away – he couldn't meet her gaze and mumbled in a low voice, "No. Oh God, I'm sorry…." He sank back down onto the floor lacking the strength and courage to pursue his point. He tried to run when he did precisely because he felt himself being drawn to Sora and now those feelings were being used against him. He groaned and leant back against the wall his eyes closed. "What's re-education?" he asked dully.

Sora's face crumpled up into a mask of worry. "It depends on you. All you have to do is to do as they ask. Please promise me that you will otherwise it will be bad for you and they will get their way in the end. Promise me you will do what they ask?" Sora grabbed his shoulders and stared earnestly into his eyes. "Promise?" McKay stared back thrown by the intensity of emotion in her voice. Before McKay could answer she stepped back and said, "I have to go now, I shouldn't even be here now." Then she turned and left and the room was plunged into darkness.

McKay was scared and starving. Since Sora had left, no one had come to see him and no one had answered his calls. He estimated he had been there for three or four days but had no way of knowing. He had given up banging on the door as it produced no results. The light would go on once a day when a small bowl of food would be pushed into the cell through a hatch. The light would be left on for a few minutes and then he would be plunged into darkness again. He sat huddled against the far wall of the cell and, shivering with cold, fatigue and hunger, he waited.

He tensed as he heard the locks on the door being undone. The door opened and the guards entered. They took him by the arms, roughly handcuffed his wrists behind him and dragged him along with them. "Where are we going? Where are you taking me?" he demanded. He got no response, not even a glance. They ignored his protests and questions and continued down the corridor until they came to a room that contained a low stool in the centre of the room. The room was lit by a single, powerful light in the centre of the ceiling directly above the stool that threw the rest of the room into deep in shadow. McKay was unceremoniously deposited on the stool and the guards stepped back to stand behind him.

"Will you tell me what the hell is going on?" he tried to twist round, to stand up to see what was happening. Rough hands restrained him. McKay sat in silence and then tried again. "Look, if you're trying to scare me with this Gestapo crap well you've succeeded. Now will you just tell me what is gong on? What are we waiting for?" There was no answer. "You know you could have just as easily left me in my cell you know. I was getting to like it there..." his voice faded in the silence of the room.

After a few more minutes he asked, "Do you do classes in this? Two terms of intimidating silence before you're allowed to practise?" He continued in this vein for several minutes until his voice petered out and then he sat, waiting, his fear growing with each passing minute. After what seemed like four hours but what was probably only half an hour he heard the door open behind him. He tried to turn to see who it was but the guards held him firmly.

"Will you get off me?" he shrugged off their grip but sat still not attempting to look behind him and tried to keep his breathing slow and measured as the fear and panic grew. He could hear several sets of footsteps. A familiar figure stepped out of the shadows and stood in front of him. McKay felt sick as he looked up into the face of Commander Acastus Kolya, the face that had haunted his nightmares for weeks after the hurricane.

"Hello Dr McKay. I've been looking forward to meeting you again."

* * *

**Atlantis – the present day**

McKay shifted uneasily in his chair. "They brought in Kolya. It wasn't much fun." He stood up and walked to the side board and helped himself to another coffee. His hands were shaking so much that he spilt it. "Damn!" he fumbled around trying to mop it up until Sheppard stepped up to him, took the cloth from his hands, cleared up the mess herself and then poured him a fresh cup. McKay stood watching him, hands dug deep into his pockets with his fists clenched as he tried to get himself back under control again.

When he spoke again, his words were directed at Sheppard, "You should have killed that bastard when you had the chance, Sheppard."


	10. Chapter 10

**Part 10 - Re-education II**

**Atlantis, the present day.**

"You should have killed that bastard when you had the chance, Sheppard." The leaders of Atlantis were shocked to hear the hatred in Rodney's voice.

Elizabeth laid her hand on McKay's arm. "Are you OK to talk about this?" she asked concern in her voice.

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be," he replied. He sat down at the conference table and, eyes fixed on the table in front of him, he started to tell them what had happened.

* * *

**The Genii home world – four months ago.**

McKay swallowed and, praying that his voice would not shake, replied, "Well, em, I hope you won't be offended if I say I had hoped I would never see you again." He kept his panic under control by hanging onto Sora's promise of another chance. Kolya smiled a predator's smile and then stepped back into the shadows. McKay could hear his footsteps as he walked slowly around behind him.

Kolya came to a stop behind McKay and reached out his hand to rest it on McKay's shoulder. He leant forward to speak softly into McKay's ear, "Cowen asked me to speak with you, Dr McKay. He is concerned that you do not clearly understand the nature of your agreement with him." Keeping his hand on McKay's shoulder Kolya moved around out to stand in front of him, "which is strange for such an intelligent man. Cowen's disappointed in you, Dr McKay." Kolya bent forward to look directly into McKay's eyes. McKay tried not shrink away from him but couldn't hide his involuntary recoil. "Do you have anything to say for yourself, Dr McKay? Cowen does not like to be disappointed and, believe me, you have disappointed him."

"Well I guess he can join the club then," McKay muttered sarcastically trying to hide his fear in bravado. "There's a whole line up of people I've disappointed. My parents for…"

McKay didn't see the blow coming but it hit him with enough force to knock him clean off the stool. He lay on the floor gasping, waiting for the next. However, Kolya raised his hand indicating that the young soldier who had hit McKay should step back. He nodded to the guards who hauled McKay up off the floor and roughly shoved him back down onto the stool where he sat, a trickle of blood running from the corner of his mouth.

"You need to listen to me carefully Dr McKay as we won't continue being reasonable for ever. We rescued you, we have given you a home, we are inviting you to become one of us."

McKay interrupted, "Wait, are you telling me that I should be grateful," he shut up abruptly, flinching as the soldier raised his arm to strike again. Again Kolya raised his hand in a gesture of restraint. He waited for a few moments and then continued.

"Yes. We expect you to be grateful and to repay us in expression of that gratitude. Dr McKay, you must accept that you are Genii now and have a duty towards the common good," Kolya paused and looked down at McKay.

McKay shook his head. "No," he said, "I'm not Genii." He raised his head and met Kolya's eyes. "I'm Canadian……." Kolya gestured and the soldier struck again. This time there was no restraining hand until he had landed four or five additional blows as McKay lay sprawled on the floor. At a signal from Kolya the soldier stepped back.

"Pick him up," Kolya nodded to the guards.

He waited until McKay's agonised gasps eased and he was sure he could hear him. "You have to forget the past – you can't go back there. Your friends abandoned you, Dr McKay. We are your friends now. We regard you as family." Hands gripping either side of McKay's face, Kolya forced him to meet his eyes. "You are a child of the Genii and I'm going treat you like one until you learn how to behave, Dr McKay. You are a disobedient, ungrateful child who will be punished. Do you understand?" Kolya spoke quietly, his face mere centimetres from McKay's. "Do you understand?"

McKay was in agony, physical and mental and in fear for his life. The soldier had landed only four blows but each had been well placed and his newly healed injuries protested at the maltreatment they were receiving. "I'm not Genii," he gasped. "I'm Canadian." He nearly fell as Kolya let go of him. He didn't see the soldier step forward but felt every blow that rained down on him. He existed in a world of white pain – each blow was carefully aimed and he was powerless to evade them. He screamed. The blows stopped and McKay was picked up off the floor and deposited back onto the stool. He could hardly breathe. He felt a hand grab his hair and force his head back.

"Look at me, McKay," Kolya tightened his grip and shook McKay's head. "Look at me," he commanded. McKay opened his eyes and tried to focus on the man in front of him. "Now listen to me, Dr McKay, you are Genii. You belong to us. All you need to do is to say who and what you are and this stops. Do you understand me?" Kolya shook McKay's head again. "Do you understand?" he repeated. "If you continue with this childish defiance, then your punishment continues…" He let go of him and McKay fell forwards to the floor. He wanted this to stop. He remembered Sora's words, "All you have to do is to do as they ask." As much as he wanted this to stop, he couldn't bring himself to do that. If he took that step and said he was Genii could he ever come back?

"I'm Canadian," he whispered.

This time Kolya did not stop the soldier when McKay screamed. He let him scream and scream and scream.

He was sitting on the stool again, supported by the guards. He was aware of cold water dripping down his face.

"Why are you doing this to yourself Dr McKay?" Kolya asked in a quiet whisper. "All you have to do is to say your name and that you are one of us. That's all and then, all of this, it stops."

McKay opened his eyes to meet his gaze. "I'm Canadian", he whispered.

Kolya shook his head and stepped back. The soldier stepped forward again, this time he had a knife in his hand. "Why can't you say this one simple thing now and accept who you are?" Kolya asked a perplexed expression on his face.

McKay was staring fixedly at the knife remembering how it felt when the knife inched its way through his flesh. The soldier stepped closer and McKay flinched, trying to lean away at far as possible but was held firmly. It was such a little thing but he couldn't say it, he wouldn't. He held desperately to the thought that he friends hadn't abandoned him, that they would come. He couldn't say it, the betrayal would be too much.

The soldier gently rested the knife against McKay's face and then slowly ran the point down his cheek and neck, barely brushing the skin. McKay struggles were futile as he tried to evade the knife as the pressure grew and it slowly cut into the skin of his chest and turned prying the skin away from the flesh beneath.

He came back to himself lying in a pool of cold water. He could barely remember why he was there… Everything hurt but the gashes across his chest were a sharper pain. Strong hands picked him up and held him upright. Someone was forcing him to look up.

"Dr McKay, all you need to do is to say who you are and that are Genii. Don't you understand that we won't stop until you do? You are one of us, we value you but you have to let go of who you were and accept who you are."

He couldn't remember how long this cycle had been going on. He had lost all sense of time and reality. He was either here having pain inflicted upon his or he was back in his cell being forced to kneel with his hands on his head until they came for him again. The only respite was unconsciousness but even that did not last – they always woke him up with cold water or slaps to the face or electric shocks and then it would start again and all the time they were asking him the same question over and over again, telling him the same things, over and over again.

"Your friends abandoned you, they left you to die."

"We want you Dr McKay, but you have abused our trust in you. But we will forgive you."

"You are one of us, Dr McKay and we will help you redeem yourself."

"Just say that you are Genii and this all stops…"

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

The words were becoming seductive. He shook his head trying to focus on who and what he was.

"Don't make us do this Dr McKay," Kolya was frowning. "Just say it."

McKay shook his head again, more forcefully this time. Kolya closed his eyes and turned away shaking his head. He looked over to the soldiers standing in the shadows.

"Break his legs," he ordered.

* * *

**Atlantis – the present day.**

"I don't know how long my re-education lasted but I know why it ended." McKay was still staring at the table. He looked up and met Elizabeth's troubled eyes with the most haunted expression she had ever seen.

"They broke me, Elizabeth, I did what they wanted. I said it."

* * *

**Four months ago – the Genii home world.**

McKay was sobbing; the pain in his left leg was unbearable. He was lying on the floor clutching at his thigh, tears and blood mingling together on his face.

"Will you say it now Dr McKay?" Kolya crouched down by the figure on the floor. McKay ignored him and concentrated instead on breathing in and out. Kolya stood up and nodded to the soldiers signalling that they should continue.

McKay suddenly remembered the look in Sora's eyes and her words echoed in his ears again. "All you have to do is to do as they ask. Please promise me that you will otherwise it will be bad for you and they will get their way in the end. Promise me you will do that?" As the guards grabbed him the broken bones in his leg grated against one another. He realised they wouldn't stop until he was crippled. In a flash he realised that it was time and that he had reached his limit.

"Stop, please stop," he begged, "I'll say it. I'm Genii, just stop, please."

"Say your name and what you are," Kolya's voice was cold and implacable.

"I'm Rodney McKay. I'm Genii. Now please stop….." and they did.


	11. Chapter 11

**Part 11 – Broken**

**Four months ago, the Genii home world.**

Kolya stood looking down at the man lying on the ground at his feet. He felt no particular satisfaction at what he'd just done, or pleasure. He was just doing his job, repaying his debt. He thought back to another re-education; twenty years ago, an eighteen year refugee whose physical prowess had ear-marked him for a career in the elite guard, he'd been barely more than a boy. He'd gladly accepted the Genii's offer to take him in when his home world had been culled and his nearest and dearest with it. However, problems adjusting to the demands of the Genii had led him to end up here, in re-education. It had been a long process but ultimately the boy had learned that the Genii were his family and he was there to serve them. If he tried hard Kolya could remember the rage and the shouts of defiance that had turned to sobs and pleas and then to dedication and absolute obedience to his new masters.

Kolya had changed since then; he'd learnt his lesson and now he was the teacher. He knelt down next to McKay and reached out to undo the handcuffs.

"No, please, don't," McKay flinched away trying to evade him. "I'm Genii, you said you'd stop. Please."

"Don't worry Dr McKay, we're going to look after you. Just relax. You're one of us now." Kolya gently removed the handcuffs and then propped McKay up into a sitting position whilst they waited for the guards to return with a stretcher.

McKay struggled feebly, trying to bat away Kolya's hands.

"Stop it, McKay. I'm not going to hurt you," growled Kolya. With a muffled groan McKay stopped struggling and surrendered to Kolya's ministrations. He tried to drink the water he was offered but gagged and it ran down his chin. Then he sat there shaking, burning with shame, waiting.

* * *

**Atlantis – the present day**

McKay's story had shocked them to the core. Throughout the telling he had spoken quietly and factually. There had been none of the passion, exaggeration or sarcasm that were McKay's hallmarks and that had somehow made his story all the more horrifying. Elizabeth silently leant forward and placed her hand gently on McKay's forearm to convey her support and empathy. He tried to smile at her but failed – his distress apparent to them all. Sheppard was overwhelmed with guilt that they had left McKay behind and was having difficulty containing his fury. When McKay began to speak again, he was calm although a slight tremble in his voice betrayed him.

"That society is screwed Elizabeth, do you know what I mean? After they'd finished with me they put me back into hospital and patched me up. Cowen came to see me every day. I had to say 'it' every day. The threat of more…" he hesitated. "The threat of more violence was always there and I gave in. I said what they wanted. I did what they wanted. I couldn't do anything else."

He scrubbed at his eyes and sat for several minutes pinching the bridge of his nose as he struggled for control. He drew a deep breath and then looked up. "I… I was so scared…. I couldn't see any other way. If they had continued the re-education I could have told them everything… I think I would have. It was so very hard to resist - when I did what they wanted they treated me well and if I didn't, well, they didn't. It was so black and white, so logical." He paused again his face twisted with remembered pain.

"They tried to get me to hate you and they so very nearly succeeded. I knew they were manipulating me but it was so hard to resist." He drank some coffee and concentrated on controlling his shaking hands as he did so.

"I was hospitalised for three weeks and then it went back to what it was before. I worked, every sixth day was free, I met with Cowen every day and I said and did what they wanted," his voice was bitter with self recrimination.

Elizabeth spoke up. "Rodney, don't belittle yourself. I've seen what you gave them and discussed it with Zelenka. Yes, you've helped them with a lot but none of it damages us. You've given them shielding to protect their health, improved their environmental controls, given them long range sensors to alert them to the Wraith and improved their hydro-electric power generation. You didn't betray us. You kept our survival a secret. You did what you needed to do to survive and you have no doubt saved the lives of many Genii who would have died from radiation poisoning or been taken in a culling." McKay sighed deeply and closed his eyes thinking back to the weeks and months following the re-education process.

* * *

**Four months ago, the Genii home world.**

McKay came around to the sound of Sora's voice; she was angry, he hoped it wasn't with him. She was arguing with someone, vehemently. He tried to open his eyes to look around the room to find her but his eyes were swollen making it impossible for him to open them more than a slit. He tried to focus on her words but couldn't understand them. There was a ringing in his ears and his brain had turned to mush. He gave up and lay back on the pillows letting his mind wander barely registering the voices at all.

"I still think that this was unnecessary, Sir. I had the situation under control." Sora's voice was shaking with controlled anger.

"Sora, forgive me if I beg to differ, this was very necessary. You know that McKay is a resourceful man, this will make him think a little before the next time he tries anything and believe me he will. It also has the advantage that he is now immobilised." The other voice was Cowen's but McKay could make no sense of the words and let the sounds just wash over him.

"But four days? That is extreme." Sora was not giving up lightly.

"I agree, but that was his choice, not ours. Anyway, now is the time to take action in a case like this. You will find the rest of the programme will progress much more smoothly now, Sora, believe me, I have done this many times before. True, it can be distressing to see a subject at this stage but it is in his interests that we have done what we did."

Sora felt the fury rise in her again. She had been so close to getting McKay somewhere they could talk freely but for now her plans were foiled. The guard would be increased and surveillance would be constant. She didn't know if she could keep up with her façade for the time it would take her to set up a situation where they could be alone together again. She was furious with Cowen for his arrogance - did he honestly believe that this was in McKay's interests and not his own? She was also furious with McKay for his stupidity – didn't he realise he could have been killed for what he had done? With a supreme effort of will she regained control of her emotions and became the detached, hardened soldier once more.

"Yes, Sir. My apologies for speaking out of turn. It was not acceptable. It is just that I have to ensure that this integration is successful, it is extremely important to me. We stand to gain so much. It will not happen again." Sora lowered her eyes and stood in front of Cowen, her shoulders slightly bent with an air of submission about her.

Cowen smiled, pleased to see some of Sora's passion returning to her and even more pleased to see her submission to his authority. "It's alright, Sora. I know that all you want is for this to work and your idea of presenting yourself to him as a guarantor for his behaviour is masterful – a deft touch." He reached out and, putting a hand under her chin, he gently raised her head until she was looking into his eyes. "I trust you with this. Tyrus would be proud of you." At the mention of her father a brief frown of pain crossed her brow.

McKay registered the quiet after the voices stilled. He felt light headed and disconnected from his body which was, he decided in a strangely detached manner, no bad thing considering how mangled it was. He had been given something to drink when they had brought him to the hospital and since then he had been floating on a drug induced cloud drifting in and out of consciousness. They had cleaned him up, treated his injuries and put him to bed. He had barely noticed when they stitched up the gashes in his skin, treated the burns, contusions and cuts although the process of setting his leg had been distinctly unpleasant and he had shared his displeasure with the medical staff.

He felt relief and gratitude that the pain was over. All he had to face now were the ramifications of what he'd said but, due to the drugs, he couldn't focus long enough to follow that line of thought.

His thoughts turned to Sora. What had he done? He had turned the only person in this hell hole towards whom he had any feelings, apart from hatred, into a hostage to ensure his good behaviour. He groaned and shrank back further into the pillows overcome with guilt. He wanted to see her, to apologise, to beg her forgiveness, anything.

"Sora?" he called out. When she did not appear immediately he felt wounded and became belligerent. "Sora!" he shouted this time.

"McKay, it's OK. I'm here." Sora came into his field of vision and sat besides him taking hold of his hand.

"You're all mad, completely and utterly barking mad. Have I told you that before?" stuttered McKay accusingly. He tried to focus on her, hold the anger but couldn't. He felt a wave of grief for his own lost integrity sweep over him and felt a hot prickling behind his eyes.

"You were right you know, all I did was say what they wanted and it was OK, they stopped," his voice wavered pathetically, "I did this to myself, Sora, that's what they said." Sora looked at him with pity in her eyes. "I'm Genii….." he whispered, tears welled up in his eyes and began to run down his checks. "I'm Genii," he repeated. Abruptly he was aggressive again, "So how many people have you seen like this?" he demanded. "How many people have you broken? Huh? Huh?"

"Only you," she answered quietly and, as quickly as it had flared, his anger faded and only sorrow, guilt and humiliation remained. He reached for her hand.

"Will they do something like this to you if I leave? Will they?" silently she nodded hating herself for the lies and deceit. McKay groaned again, "I'm sorry, Sora, I'm so sorry," he whispered and closed his eyes overcome with self recrimination.

He felt her lips brush his forehead and heard her whisper, "So am I McKay. So am I". He could feel himself begin to cry, silent sobs wracked through him and he fought for control but in his exhausted and drugged state it was a fight he couldn't win. Sora gently wrapped her arms around him, carefully avoiding his injuries. She laid her cheek next to his and in a quiet soothing whisper tried to reassure him that everything was alright. He could make no sense of what she said but her tone and presence comforted him. After a few minutes the sobbing stopped and McKay, succumbing to the drug, slept for hours and hours.


	12. Chapter 12

**Part 12 – I am Genii**

**The Genii homeworld – four and a half months ago.**

Sora sat holding McKay until she was sure he was fully asleep and then carefully disentangled herself. She sat for a while studying him, taking note of the physical evidence of his injuries and the tension and pain still evident on his face even as it relaxed in a drugged sleep. She reached out and ran her fingers gently down his arm barely brushing the skin. He flinched. Slowly she withdrew her hand and tried to analyse her emotions …. guilt, fear, compassion, affection, anger?

"You fool," she whispered softly unsure if she was addressing herself or the man now once again sleeping quietly in front of her. She rose to her feet and walked out of the room to her appointment with Cowen to discuss and agree the next steps in the integration programme.

As Sora walked into the room she saw that Cowen was not alone. "Commander," she respectfully acknowledged the presence of Acastus Kolya with a nod and sat down in the seat Cowen indicated with a slow wave of his hand. She hoped that she could hide her simmering hatred of the man who had done this to McKay.

"Sora, you were able to speak with Dr McKay?" Cowen's question was more a statement.

"Not for any length of time. He is sleeping now," she replied. Cowen looked at her with raised eyebrows and indicated that she should continue. "He has said very little to me other than to accuse us all of being insane and to say that this was his fault." Cowen smiled. "He also told me that he is Genii."

Cowen's smile grew even broader. "Excellent," he said.

Kolya shifted in his chair and leant forward, "I don't think we should congratulate ourselves on this just yet. The man is resourceful and a skilled liar. He had us all fooled that the shields around Atlantis would fail and that the City would be destroyed. Personally, I doubt whether he will ever be fully integrated and we should not relax either the guard on him or the surveillance he is under."

Cowen nodded thoughtfully, "I know and I agree with what you say, but even without full integration we still have a valuable resource," he said. He turned to Sora, "And thanks to Sora we have the leverage to get at it. Any more feedback on you being 'guarantee' for him?" he asked.

"His initial anger has given way to guilt. The attachment to me appears to be deeper than we anticipated," she said blandly and then continued, "May I make a suggestion, Sir?" Cowen nodded. "I think it may reinforce the attachment if it is evident that I have suffered as a result of this…….. incident."

Cowen frowned slightly, "And what exactly did you have in mind, Sora?" he asked with a slight frown.

"Nothing much, just a few bruises where they can be seen," she replied calmly meeting Cowen's eyes.

Cowen looked at her and wondered when Sora had become this implacable soldier. The sunny girl, daughter of his closest friend, had been lost to the Wraith and the hardships the Genii had suffered. He almost regretted her passing but decided that they were more in need of the soldier than the innocent child. He held her gaze for a few moments and then nodded once to show his agreement. He gestured to Kolya who rose to his feet and moved to stand in front of Sora. She looked steadily into the dark of his eyes.

"Are you sure this is necessary, Sora?" he asked softly.

"Yes," she replied, "I am," and raised her chin to indicate her readiness. Kolya breathed in and then raised his fist to strike.

* * *

It was hours until McKay woke from his drugged sleep and the first thing he saw was Sora sitting beside his bed. He tried to smile but felt his split lips crack and let out a muffled, "Ow," instead.

Sora leant forward and laid a finger gently on his lips to hush him. "Lie still, McKay and listen to me. It's not over; Cowen's coming to see you. Just say what he wants McKay, they are only words," her voice was urgent and soft and she was staring directly into his eyes.

He noted with concern that Sora had a blackened eye and there was a swelling along her jaw. "They hurt you," he stated, raising his hand to touch her face. She winced and he let his hand drop away and she covered it with one of hers.

"Cowen is displeased with me," she answered shortly.

McKay shut his eyes, turned his face away and whispered, "I'm sorry." His voice was so low she could barely hear him.

She ignored his apology and, laying her hand on his cheek, gently forced him to look at her again. "That doesn't matter. I just want to make sure that you understand you have to say what they want. It's not over yet. Do you understand? They're just words McKay, just say them," she ordered.

Resigned to his helplessness and impotence, McKay nodded.

* * *

**Atlantis conference room, the present**

"I was hospitalised for three weeks and then they let it go back to what it was before. I'd accepted that you wouldn't even be looking for me because you thought I was dead and I pretty much gave up the hope that I would be able to get away on my own," McKay spoke in a whisper, his words barely audible.

"Once I got out of hospital I was back into the Genii double-think routine. There was this polite, ridiculous pretence that I had had an accident, not that I'd had the crap beaten out of me by the psychos that keep everyone in line because I wouldn't say I was Genii. It was ridiculous but everyone played along. I found it …… hard but actually it was probably easier than the alternative – everyone openly knowing and speculating. Then again some of them were so naive I think that they probably believed it." McKay was staring intently into his coffee cup but he could feel his friends looking at him. He knew his words were inadequate but he couldn't think of any other way to describe the depression, the intolerable shame, humiliation, hopelessness and the sense of betrayal that he felt every time he had said, "I am Genii". He rested his head on his hands and closed his eyes. "I was so guilty that the friendship I had with Sora was being used, that they had seen through me and were manipulating me. They'd found a method of stopping me trying to get away, that and the fact that they'd hobbled me." He absentmindedly rubbed his left shin as it rested on his right knee.

He looked up and Elizabeth was startled by the intensity of his look. "I know I've said this before but it bears repeating. I know that what I felt and what I feel didn't develop naturally but it is real," he gave a half laugh and started drumming his fingers on the table. "I can't believe I'm saying this. This is me, not Captain Kirk here," he waved a hand in Shepard's direction, "but without her…." his voice trailed off and he didn't finish his sentence and she was in no doubt that without Sora, McKay wouldn't be sitting before her now.

"Rodney, I'm going to get straight to the point here. If you feel this way why don't you trust her? Why are we telling her she's at the Alpha Site?" Sheppard's words were harsh but his expression was gentle and supportive.

"Aren't you listening to me, Sheppard? I've been one of them for the past four months – you work it out. I trust her, but I don't trust myself," McKay's voice was unsteady. "I'm trying to protect Atlantis from any lapse of judgement I might be showing."

Sheppard was about to speak again when Elizabeth caught his eye and gave a faint shake of her head. He closed his mouth and settled back into his seat. McKay, oblivious to the brief exchange drew breath to resume his narrative.

* * *

**Three and a half months ago, the Genii home-world**

"Are you ready?"

McKay nodded and then winced as he gingerly stood on one leg and, with the supporting hands of two medics, transferred himself to the wheelchair that was parked besides the bed.

"How's that?" they asked as he settled his splinted leg onto the footrest of the wheelchair.

"Excruciatingly painful," he muttered in reply. His comment was received with wry smiles and they started to push the wheelchair out into the corridor. McKay sat in silence as they progressed through the underground complex, keeping his eyes strictly in front of him avoiding eye contact with anyone they passed. The corridors were dark and narrow at first and then widened out and became more brightly lit as they reached the lower residential levels.

Within fifteen minutes they had reached McKay's quarters. Wordlessly the medics helped McKay to his feet, handed him the crutches they had brought with them and watched as he swung forward, opened the door and entered. They deposited the small bag they had brought with them on floor just inside the door and, having made sure he was OK, they left.

McKay stood, leaning on his crutches in the centre of the room examining his surroundings. His quarters were pretty much as he had left them - two comfortable chairs with a low table between them, a desk with a reading lamp, one door leading off to a bedroom and bathroom and another to the small kitchen area. The papers he'd left on the desk had been disturbed, but aside from that everything was pretty much as it had been. His eyes strayed to the panel he had removed in order to access the air circulation system – it seemed like months ago. He wasn't surprised to see that it was back where it should be and that it had been welded into place.

He felt the walls press in around him and his depression deepened pulling him into a downwards spiral. He was broken, he'd failed and he had betrayed himself. He stood; head bowed trying to focus on a way out of the situation. He could see only one possibility – to co-operate until an opportunity arose whereby he could get away.

He wanted to deny the pattern of his future, the routine that he would soon enter into again, the pretence, the lies and the betrayals. He wanted the strength to end it but he couldn't bring himself to give up so thoroughly that that was the only option. He moved slowly over to one of the chairs and gingerly lowered himself into it setting his crutches onto the floor. Carefully he raised his splinted leg and gently lowered it onto the low table placing a couple of cushions under it. The dull ache in his leg began to lessen and he lay back against the chair, eyes closed, hands resting in his lap as he tried to relax. He felt the sharp edge of the device around his wrist press against the sensitive skin that had barely healed and he tried to shift it to a more comfortable position thinking back to the previous day when it had been fitted.

"I'm glad to see you are recuperating so well, Dr McKay." Cowen was back again. McKay felt sick as the coarsely built man sat down on his bed and reached out to pat his shoulder. He fought the urge to flinch but couldn't quite control the involuntary reflex.

"Dr McKay," said Cowen reproachfully but stood up and, moving away helped himself to a glass of water from the table next to McKay's bed. McKay relaxed visibly but still trembled slightly due to the physical proximity of man. He knew what was coming and braced himself to say what was required.

"What are you, Dr McKay?" Cowen turned and looked directly at the man lying in the bed. He saw the fading bruises, the fear and the submission but not the hatred and anger it was so well suppressed.

"I'm Genii," McKay replied dully.

"Have you accepted that the Lanteans abandoned you? That you were left to die and that we rescued you?"

"Yes," came the response.

"How will you repay your debt of gratitude?"

"I will willingly work to achieve the aims of…." the words almost stuck in his throat, "my people." He managed to complete the required sentence without stumbling.

Cowen smiled, pleased to see that the man in front of him was entirely submissive to his demands. "Well, we are making progress, Dr McKay. Dr Fellit tells me that he is happy for you to be released to your quarters now. Would you like that?"

McKay felt a surge of hope. "Yes," he replied trying not to sound too eager.

"Well, I'm not convinced that we should. I was thinking you should stay here for a while longer where we can keep an eye on you or perhaps be assigned to one of the single man's barracks." Cowen was teasing, playing with him. "What would you prefer, Dr McKay?"

McKay answered softly, "I will accept your decision."

McKay's submission brought another smile to Cowen's face. "I tell you what," Cowen said and sat down on the chair next to the bed, "you can go back to your quarters and recuperate there for a while, but we'd like to keep track of you." Cowen turned and gestured to a small wizened man who had accompanied him and took a device from the small flat box he held. It was one of the wrist worn communication devices the Genii used.

"Hold out your arm," Cowen commanded. McKay complied wordlessly knowing that to speak out of line would only earn him punishment. The wizened man started fixing the device in place. McKay watched him as he worked observing the complex closure mechanism and the resin-like substance that he coated the closure with.

"This is a communication device. It will also allow us to track where you are. Whenever I contact you, you are to respond immediately. You are not to attempt to remove this. Mahill has applied a sealant which will dry in the few minutes and you will not be able to remove this device. You are not to disturb the seal which will be inspected and checked every time we meet. If there is evidence that you have tampered with it then you will be disciplined. Do you understand?"

"Yes," whispered McKay. The fumes from the resin were making him nauseous.

"Good, well in that case, you go back to your quarters tomorrow and you will be back at work in three days." Cowen stood and left without a backwards glance. McKay lay back in the bed, swallowing back the relief that this ordeal would finally be over


	13. Chapter 13

**Part 13 – Stupid, part I**

**Atlantis – the present day**

"Cowen would contact me at all times, just to make sure that I knew that I was at his beck and call. It was absurd, I couldn't have got away – I had a broken leg for God's sake. It was all just one big demonstration of how thoroughly I was in his power," McKay sighed deeply, "and there wasn't a damn thing I could do." He was calmer now although still nervous and on edge. His whole demeanour conveyed guilt and embarrassment. Elizabeth got the impression that he really didn't want to tell them what happened next. The silence lasted for a minute and then two and then three as McKay sat there fiddling with his mug and draining the dregs of his cold coffee with a nervous swallow.

Elizabeth stood and walked over to McKay. Picking up his coffee mug she asked him, "Refill?"

With a quick strained smile, McKay nodded. "Yes," he answered softly and watched her as she walked over to the coffee pot and poured it. He kept his eyes focussed on her as she came back and sat down next to him and slid the mug back over to him. She waited until he had taken a gulp and then asked, "What happened next, Rodney? You know you can trust us, don't you? We know that you had to do what you did in order to survive. We understand."

"Oh, I don't know about that," McKay shot back anger colouring his voice. Elizabeth was taken aback for a moment but then realised that his anger was directed toward himself and so waited for him to speak again.

"Stupidity is not a flattering trait and when I see it I don't like it." McKay's mouth was a compressed angry line as he thought back to what he'd done. In the end he burst out, "I can't believe I was SO stupid. I'd been doing OK for a couple of months, doing what they wanted and trying to keep my nose clean. I was keeping it together and biding my time. Then about six weeks ago I was at the hydro electric power station and I did something really, really stupid." McKay shook his head in disbelief at his own stupidity and then told them what he'd done and the events leading up to it.

* * *

**The Genii home-world – one and a half months ago**

McKay lay in the pitch black waiting for the sound of the key in the lock that heralded the start of his day. Hands behind his head, he stared up into the darkness thinking, analysing, theorising. He couldn't see a way out yet but knew he had to keep the thought alive or he would be lost. The thought of escape was what kept him going and was the hope he was determined never to lose no matter how deep he had to bury it in order to survive. He'd never been able to hide his emotions before, he'd been a man who lived on the very outside of his skin, each nuance of his changing mood clearly visible to those around him. All that had changed. He had learnt deceit and subterfuge the hard way and had the bruises and scars to show for it.

As usual he had slept fitfully for five or six hours and now, unable to sleep, he was waiting for morning and was listening to the familiar sounds of the Genii base around him; the dull hum of the air circulation system, the clanking of the pipes and the sounds of footsteps and voices that never stilled throughout the night. He thought back to the sounds of Atlantis, the soft whispering of the Ancient technology and, always there faintly in the background, the sound of the wind and waves. When he'd been there he'd never consciously noticed them; he'd always focussed on the beauty of Atlantis, the elegance of her spires and the intricacy of her technology rather than the ocean surrounding her. He was surprised how much he missed them - the ocean and the wind; the feel of the sea breeze on his face as he stood on one of the balconies and the sound of the waves to soothe him into sleep.

There was a grinding sound as the lock turned and then, with a flicker, the lights throughout his quarters came on. Steeling himself for the day ahead he pushed himself upright and swung his legs off the bed. He sat for a while and examined his left leg with a disgusted fascination. The splints had come off a week ago and he was gradually regaining muscle tone and strength. He carefully ran his hand down his left shin and poked at the site of the break exploring the areas of numbness and hypersensitivity and the irregularity in the bone. He'd been informed that there was no permanent muscle or nerve damage and that the sensation would gradually return to normal. As if they cared, he thought to himself. Sighing deeply, he fumbled for the single crutch he was using for support and limped over the bathroom.

Half an hour later he opened the door to his quarters. As he limped through, he avoided looking at the guard stationed near his door and started making his way towards the communal dining area. The guard followed at a discreet distance.

"How are you doing, McKay?" Sora fell into step besides him. "Can I join you for breakfast?" she asked. He glanced at her and smiled, then nodded his agreement as he continued on his way. McKay didn't get people but he knew Sora so well by now that he could read her moods. She was mad about something.

"So I take it that means you are fine, thank you for asking and yes, please do join me for breakfast?" she asked pointedly.

So, thought McKay to himself, it was going to one of those meetings. He stopped and, sighing dramatically, he turned and looked at her, "Yes, I am fine and yes, please do feel _free_ to join me," he answered emphasising the word 'free'. Then he turned back and carried on walking. As he turned he caught the slight frown that appeared momentarily on Sora's face.

After a few minutes of walking in silence Sora observed, "You know, you really should try to put more weight on your leg. You need to use it more."

"Stop telling me what to do, Sora," McKay replied in an even tone. "I know that you're my keeper but I'm a genius remember, I know what is and isn't good for me."

Her eyes narrowed slightly, "I'm not your keeper, McKay."

"Strange," he observed, "you fulfil all the criteria for a keeper; responsible for my behaviour, keeping track of where I am…."

Sora grabbed hold of his arm forcing him to stop and look at her. "Why are you being so unreasonable this morning?" she asked.

"I'm not, I'm always like this," he retorted, "but you're pissed about something." She scowled and he knew he was right. "Care to share it with me? What have I done? Obviously nothing so bad or I'd be sporting more bruises courtesy of Cowen's rottweilers.… So would you mind telling me so we can get the fight over before we eat? I don't want to ruin my appetite," he explained in a reasonable tone. "So, what are you angry about this time?"

Sora's expression hardened, "You. You're a selfish fool."

McKay stood there and waited for her to continue. When she didn't he started walking again and was brought up short by Sora grabbing hold of his arm again.

"Why aren't you going to Evert's hand-fasting?" she demanded angrily.

"What?" McKay was confused. This was not Sora's normal approach. Usually when he turned down any of the invitations for social activities he would get a lecture about conformity, integration and community. This time Sora was angry and upset with him personally.

"Why aren't you going to Evert's hand-fasting?" she repeated.

"Why is this an issue, Sora? We discussed this and I don't," he corrected himself, "I won't do these things. I'm here and I'm working for you, I will say what I have to and I'm not going to run away again, you've seen to that," he spoke in a faintly accusatory whisper, "but I am not going to play happy families." He felt tired and resigned and angry. She knew how he felt and he had thought she understood. He couldn't do this – it was another level of acceptance of his situation that he wasn't prepared to take, not yet. "You know why I don't want to so why are you asking? I won't do it."

Sora's expression was almost desperate as she returned his gaze. "It's always about you isn't it, McKay? Why can't you do something for me for once?" she whispered back at him and then turned and walked away her head bent. McKay moved to reach out for Sora but she was too quick for him and brushed past him. He'd seen the pain in her eyes and felt a stab of guilt at being the cause. He never wanted to hurt Sora but it seemed he was managing it more and more often.

"Sora!" he lunged forwards to grab her as she passed but missed. He lost his balance and went down heavily. Kneeling on the floor he swore under his breath and then shouted after her again, "Sora!" She ignored him and carried on walking until he lost sight of her as she turned a corner.

"Oh crap," he swore softly to himself.

Footsteps approached and he turned his head to see who it was. His guard was a few metres away from him and was stood there silently holding out a hand to help him to his feet. Swearing again, McKay reached up and let himself be hauled to his feet. He wasn't superstitious but he was beginning to wonder if today wasn't the Genii equivalent of Friday the 13th, it was promising to be one corker of a day.

By eleven in the morning McKay's assessment of the day was being proven right. His fight with Sora had soured his mood and he was on the verge of losing his temper. Since his spell in "re-education" McKay had done what he'd been asked to do and had kept a check on his tongue. However, he could feel his temper begin to rise past critical as the head of the hydro electric power station dismissed his comments, blocked his questions and mis-informed him at every turn. The man regarded him with barely concealed dislike, was openly hostile and doubtful of any meaningful contribution McKay could make.

"Look, I have been asked to review this facility and to prepare a report for Cowen and his staff. In order to do that I need to have access to all areas, how much of a problem can that be?" McKay was no longer trying to keep his voice reasonable and his irritation was evident.

"You have the reports from my staff. You don't need to see the facility; you can get everything from the reports." The fat man sitting behind the desk smirked at McKay's obvious irritation.

"Do I have to explain to you the meaning of inspecting something? It means looking at it with my own eyes, not reading second hand and, quite frankly, badly written reports prepared by semi-literate…" McKay's tirade was cut off as the communicator on his wrist chirped into life.

Cowen's voice was tinny but clearly recognisable, "McKay, report your status."

He felt as he always felt when Cowen contacted him, ashamed. This time the shame fuelled his anger.

"Well, my status is that I am at the power station as you requested and I have achieved precisely NOTHING. What I can say is that, based on the reports I've seen and the comments I managed to get from the staff, I have some serious concerns about the structural integrity of this facility. However, I'm waiting for Tweedle Dum here to get off his back side and to unlock the doors to give me access to all areas of the station." McKay caught the eye of the head of the power station and, fixing him with the most arrogant and supercilious look he could muster, he finished his report to Cowen, "Oh, and in case the literary reference from Alice Through the Looking Glass was lost on you, Tweedle Dum was a short, fat, stupid and fairly pointless little man."

With that, McKay sat back in his chair and waited for Cowen's response. He knew he'd either earned himself another beating and a week in solitary confinement or was about to get the back up he needed to finish the job he'd been asked to do and at the moment he honestly didn't care which it was.


	14. Chapter 14

**Part 14 – Stupidity, part II**

**The Genii home-world – one and a half months ago**

Sora was angry and her anger made her careless. She had lost her temper with McKay and now she would have to explain her behaviour to the Integration Board. As she stalked away from him she could hear him shouting after her. She didn't turn around and kept on walking seething with frustration.

Stupid, arrogant obstinate fool! Why wouldn't he co-operate with her? All she needed to do was to get him somewhere away from the listeners and he was fighting her all the way. She was beginning to regret the road she had chosen. It had seemed so clear at the beginning, what she had to do but she had had no way of knowing that it would be this hard. If her intentions were discovered by her people the consequences for her would be severe. The one person she was trying to help thought she was the enemy and the only way she had been able to protect him was to break him; that she had done and now he didn't trust her.

She was alone.

Stupid, selfish arrogant fool.

The only places where they could go where there were no listening devices were outside, on the surface of the planet, or her quarters. If only he would go to Evert's hand-fasting she would be able to take him to one side, could take him for a walk near the lake, could explain what she knew and then they could plan to get away. She'd already tried to get him to the only other place where they could talk and even the thought of how badly that attempt had failed made her blush.

* * *

**The Genii home-world, two months ago**

_"Don't be ridiculous, Sora, this isn't high school and I'm not an idiot." McKay snapped at her, angry at her blatant attempt at manipulation. "I'm not coming back to your place for anything… This is all part of your integration programme isn't it? Well, it's pathetic." He pushed her away and turned to move away but was stopped by Sora holding him back. Her strength was surprising. McKay looked at her his anger, disappointment and hurt clearly showing in his eyes. "Don't try to manipulate me, Sora." McKay took her wrists in his hands and pushed her away from him. "Don't do this". His voice was uneven with barely controlled fury._

_"Do what?" she said holding his gaze unwaveringly, then reached up and placed her one hand softly on his cheek. He leant ever so slightly into her touch closing his eyes momentarily. In a flash his eyes shot open and he fixed her with his piercing blue gaze. The anger was still there but it there was also hurt and longing._

_"Don't play with me, Sora. I don't like it," he said through clenched teeth._

_"Ssh," she said and leant towards him. She gently placed her lips on his and kissed him._

_He pushed her back and, breathing hard, said forcefully, "Don't do this, Sora, please." He was nearly begging, "You mustn't do this for them."_

_Sora stepped back and looked at McKay with a hurt expression, "Do it for them? What do you think I am?" she asked._

_"I…. I… I… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that…. I just meant that, well what other reason would there be for you to be interested that way in me?" McKay was babbling, words tumbling over one another, "Look at me, Sora. I'm not exactly a prize – I'm broken, I'm damaged goods. H… H… H… H… How could I… how could anyone find that…." he choked on his words and lapsed into silence. He backed away from her using the work bench in the lab as support and then collapsed down onto a stool burying his head in his hands._

_Sora followed and perched on the work bench beside him, both hands on his left arm. Her heart ached for the hurt that had been inflicted on this man and for her part in it. "I'm not doing this for them, please believe me. I'm doing this for me. I thought that you wanted it. Am I wrong? Don't you like me the same as I like you McKay?" she asked looking down at his bent shoulders._

_He groaned into his hands and replied, "God, yes. You know I do and you know I can't!"_

_"I don't see the problem," she answered simplistically._

_"This is all wrong, that's the problem," McKay had one hand over his eyes and the other was stabbing the air violently. "This situation … how can I possibly trust you or how I feel? I can't let this happen… They're using you... Can't you see that?" his voice was strained and there was a frantic, almost hysterical undercurrent as he turned to stare at her._

_"Is that the problem, McKay? You think I'm doing this for Cowen? Well, I'm not. I'm doing it for me. Look at yourself through my eyes, McKay - I don't see a broken man. I see a genius, a man who stepped in front of a gun to save his friend. I see a man who is helping the Genii fight back against the Wraith, who is improving our lives and protecting us." McKay sneered disbelievingly. "Yes I do, McKay. That is what I see. I also see a man who spent many hours with me when I was on Atlantis before I was sent back. You taught me chess, remember?" referring back to the weeks that she had spent with the Lanteans after the Genii's abortive attempt to take Atlantis._

_McKay thought back to that time. "You're a lousy chess player," he said a slight smile playing around his lips. She leant closer to him and put one arm around his neck. Her closeness, the warmth of her breath on his neck and the delicate scent of her hair falling around his shoulders was all nearly too much. Every muscle was screaming for him to pull her into his arms. It took all his will power to push her away instead. She sat back and waited for him to speak._

_"Stop it, Sora, just stop it. I don't believe it. I am a prisoner here and you are one of the gaolers…" He sounded weary and then turned to look straight at her again. "I won't let them make you do this to bind me tighter to them. I won't… It would be wrong, you're so…" special he wanted to say but couldn't bring himself to speak. He didn't need to though, his eyes said it all._

_"McKay," she looked levelly into his eyes willing him to believe her, "listen to me, no-one is forcing me to do anything. I'm doing this because I want to. Yes, Cowen would be pleased that your ties to us grow stronger but I'm not doing this for him, I'm doing this for me," and with that she put her hands either side of his face and gently drew him towards her. She could still see the hurt in his eyes and the longing but this time she thought she could detect an element of hope._

_He started to move towards her as if for a kiss but stopped and whispered, "I can't," and tried to break away._

_She tightened her grip and then gently covered his mouth with hers and whispered back, "Yes we can." He closed his eyes as if in pain and then, after a moment of hesitation, he responded with a passion that shocked her and she realised that this man wanted her in a way she had never been wanted before. She felt herself melting against him with a need she didn't know she had._

_Suddenly he stopped and pushed her away. "I'm sorry," he muttered and fumbling for his crutches he struggled to his feet and made his way to the door and left her sitting there alone. A single tear ran down her cheek and she angrily brushed it away as she listened to McKay making his way down the corridor away from the lab and from her…._

* * *

They'd not spoken of it since. The resulting tension between them soured their relationship and questions were now being raised as to whether she should continue to be so closely involved in the integration programme. Everything was going wrong and with the stakes so high she couldn't afford to lose. Forcing her temper and fear back under control Sora went about her work and prepared for the meeting with Cowen that was scheduled for the next day.

* * *

"So Sora, what's your view on what we do next?" Cowen asked. "McKay put on quite a show of temper at the power station. Looks like he's bouncing back doesn't it?"

Sora nodded. "Yes, Sir," she commented.

Cowen continued barely acknowledging her, "He was right you know there are some serious problems with the power station. He's prepared a plan to address them and to improve output. He's put together a compelling case for focussing on this work." He turned to Sora and without speaking invited her to express her view.

Sora raised an eyebrow, "And how much of this compelling case is just avoidance of working on the bomb project?"

Before Cowen could answer the door burst open, "Sir, there's been an accident at the hydro-electric power station! A walkway has collapsed and four men have been swept away in the down flow from the waterfall. One of them is Dr McKay, Sir."

* * *

McKay was fighting to keep his head above water. He had been making his way along the walk way discussing with, or rather lecturing Evert on the best approach to replacing the corroded supports in the turbine chambers when suddenly there was a tearing sound and they were both plummeting down into the seething water beneath. He'd hit the water hard, his breath was knocked out of him and then he'd had been dragged under by the weight of his clothes. He'd fought his way out of his boots and heavy jacket and had managed to fight his way to the surface. He greedily sucked in air and struggled frantically to keep his mouth above water as the river relentlessly carried him along. He was powerless against the force of the water and it was all he could do to remain on the surface. He couldn't see the men running along the walkways, shouting instructions and throwing ropes to those in the water. All he could see was that the water was sweeping him along to the dark mouth of a cave where the river disappeared underground.

"I'm a dead man, I'm a dead man, I'm a dead man," he muttered to himself over and over and sent a private prayer to the god of scientists pledging everlasting loyalty if he didn't drown in the dark. As he was swept into the mouth of the cave it went black and the roar of the water became deafening. Where did it come out? Oh my God, I'm going to die, he thought, drowned in an underground river, a sunless sea. His heart was in his throat and the adrenaline was coursing through him. Then he saw a dull gleam of light. Were his eyes playing tricks? No, it was light and the current was carrying him directly towards it. "Oh thank God, thank God," he whispered fervently to himself and the pessimistic side of his nature pointed out that he could drown in the light just as easily in the dark.

The river shot out from underground into a low waterfall and McKay was carried with it into the plunge pool beneath. Fighting his way to the surface once more he squinted against the light as he began to strike out towards the nearest bank going with the current as much as he could. He hauled himself half out of the water and lay on his side spitting out water. He rolled over onto his back and lay there shaking with shock, cold and aftermath of the adrenaline rush. He had just about got his breathing under control when something brushed against his legs.

"Christ, what was that?" in panic he scrabbled his way back away from the water, away from whatever had brushed against him. Then he saw Evert's inert form barely afloat in the water.

"Oh crap," he scrambled forwards on all fours crawling through the shallow water to Evert and pulled him out on to the shingle bank besides him. He wasn't breathing. McKay fumbled with numb fingers trying to find a pulse. Evert's face was pinched and blue but there was a pulse, faint and erratic but there.

"You cannot die, you've got to breathe you idiot," McKay shouted as he shook Evert's limp shoulders. He let him fall back down to the ground and then, thanking Carson for insisting on comprehensive first aid training for all off world teams, he rolled Evert onto his back and started to perform artificial respiration.

"You ……are…… not……. dying……. I'm…….. not………… going………… to………… let………. you……... You're…….. too……… smart……….. to……… die……….. like………. this………. and…… I………… need………… you………… to……………. fix………….. those………… damn……… turbines…………. so………… start………….. breathing," he gasped out between inflating Evert's lungs with his own breath. Spots started to dance in front of his eyes and blackness started to creep along the edge of his vision. He paused to check for any signs of improvement. The pulse was stronger underneath his fingers and he could detect an improvement in the colour of Evert's skin. Evert coughed once and then started to retch. "Ergh, this is so gross," McKay pulled a face and swallowed against the bile rising in his own throat and then manhandled Evert onto his side, to clear his airways.

After he'd settled Evert in the recovery position and cleaned the vomit off his hands, he reached for the communication device on his wrist to call for help. It was broken, as was Evert's. He sat back on his heels and thought what to do next. A dark bruise was deepening all down the right hand side of Evert's face and although he was now breathing on his own he was incoherent and confused.

McKay looked around him, he could see one of the Genii villages about 3 kilometres away and if his memory served him well the Star Gate was just the other side of it. He looked at Evert lying on the shingle bank, down at the broken wrist device and then across to the village considering what to do next.

* * *

**Atlantis, the present.**

"I was so stupid. I could almost see the Star Gate, I could have got there in about an hour. They had no way of tracking me, my guard was gone, but I instead I went back," McKay spoke the last sentence with his eyes shut against the stupidity of his actions.

He drew breath and then opening his eyes again he continued, "You see, I thought he would die without medical attention and I couldn't risk Sora being hurt if they saw me as I went through the Gate. So I went back."

McKay sat back and remembered the pain of his barely healed leg, the sting of the cuts and grazes he'd picked up in the river and the rattling breath of the man he was dragging along besides him.

"That wasn't stupid Rodney. You went back to save Evert and to protect Sora. That's not stupidity," Sheppard voice was forceful.

McKay shook his head and replied, "It was stupid, hard to believe from me I know but I've thought about this a lot. I could have taken Evert with me to the Alpha Site and Sora, well, she told me herself that this guarantee business was all just another lie….. I was stupid to believe it in the first place."


	15. Chapter 15

**Part 15 – Lies bite**

**The Genii home-world – one and a half months ago**

Less than a day had passed since the accident at the hydro-electric power station and Sora was still numb. She waited for news but didn't really expect to hear that they'd found McKay alive. Two bodies had already been recovered from the river and she knew it was just a matter of time before the search parties found others. She hoped that his would never be found because then she could hope that he had survived, that he'd somehow make his way to the Star Gate and off the planet. If his body was found she would have no hope left.

Her communicator beeped. "Report to my office, Sora," came Cowen's tinny voice.

"Yes, Sir," she responded automatically then turned and began walking to Cowen's office. It was only logical that she would be assigned to other work now but she rebelled against the thought. It was too soon, she needed time; she needed to grieve.

She knocked and entered Cowen's office quickly taking up her usual spot in front of his desk. Cowen had a broad smile on his face; he looked inordinately pleased about something. He sat looking at her for several minutes, his smile growing broader at the time. Finally he spoke.

"Well, Sora, you are to be congratulated. McKay has come back," he said and then leant back in his chair waiting for her response.

She stared at him blankly. "I am sorry, Sir, I do not understand."

"He came back," Cowen emphasised the words. He frowned at the uncomprehending look on Sora's face. "He survived the river, Sora and came back to us of his own accord. He didn't even try to get to the Star Gate. You know what that means don't you?" He spelt it out for her, "He's integrated, Sora. You did it."

Sora stood there in shocked silence and then forced herself to speak. "Then I should go to him. Where is he?" her voice trailed off.

"In the infirmary," Cowen responded.

Sora nodded and then turned to leave. She paused and looked back at Cowen, "Thank you, Sir," and then left.

Once she had left the room Kolya stepped forward from where he had been standing in a shadowed alcove. Cowen rose up from his chair and both men walked to the hallway where they watched Sora's rapid progress, she was almost running.

"She has become too involved," observed Kolya dispassionately. "She may not be able to keep her distance as she should."

"I fear you are right, my old friend," replied Cowen with a sad shake of his head. "I fear you are right but the question is what do we do?"

"At this moment? Nothing. Just keep up the surveillance on McKay," Kolya's expression was unreadable. "If we suspect anything is not as it should be then we shall act swiftly."

Cowen watched Sora's retreating back with narrowed eyes and curtly nodded his agreement.

* * *

Sora broke into a run and ran purposefully through the corridors of the Genii base until she reached the infirmary. She concentrated on getting there as quickly as possible, suppressing her emotions and thoughts as she ran. She came to a halt and stood leaning on the wall breathing hard. She could hear voices from inside the infirmary and one voice in particular.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. You are a barbarian. Stop it!" McKay was lying on his back propped up on his elbows and was complaining. His complaints were being directed at the patient looking medic holding one of his feet who was painstakingly cleaning out all the cuts and bruises that covered it.

"All the nurse is doing is making sure that the cuts on your feet are free from any dirt or grit as that may cause an infection at a later stage. So please hold still, Dr McKay," Dr Fellit said in an exasperated voice. McKay wondered abstractly if doctors learnt how to sound exasperated as part of their medical training since, for a moment, Fellit had reminded him of Carson. He felt a twinge of homesickness and then ruthlessly suppressed it.

"Ow! No he is not! He's trying to cripple me. Ow, what are you doing?" McKay tried to pull his foot away but it was held firm.

"Dr McKay, that is enough! Lie still and let us treat your injuries. If you do not I will get someone in here to hold you down whilst we do. Do you understand?" Yep, Fellit was definitely like Carson McKay decided. He stopped struggling and lay back on the bed resting his head on his hands carrying on his verbal assault.

"Why are you so concerned about my feet anyway, huh? Surely you should be checking my back? Evert's damn heavy you know. Have you any idea how bad it is for my back to carry heavy weights like that? And I don't even have a proper mattress here so my posture is shot to hell and… OW! That hurt!"

Sora smiled at the complaints and walked in. McKay looked no worse for his ordeal. Just a little tired with a few scrapes. He was dressed in the clothes of the surface dwellers which caused a smile to tug at the corner of her mouth.

Then it struck her. The truth she had been hiding from. He could have left but he had come back because of her - her lies and manipulations.

Guilt rose up in her throat choking her and the tension and stress of the deception she had been living for the past months threatened to overwhelm her. At first there was just a light trembling but soon she was shaking. She stepped forward into the room and he noticed her.

"Sora, can you tell these brutes to cut it out? They should be concentrating on my back, that's where the real problem is…" he broke off as he saw her expression. "Are you OK, Sora?" he asked.

Wordlessly she shook her head and stumbled towards him tears filling her eyes. She put out one hand and laid it on his arm. "You came back," she whispered. "You came back." The tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now and the shaking was almost violent. "Why?" she asked in a low whisper her words almost an accusation.

"Jesus, Sora, keep it together," McKay was shocked by the sight of her. She was pale and shaking. "You look a mess; you know you really shouldn't cry like this." He was trying to tease her out of it.

"Stop it, McKay and answer my question!" she yelled back at him shoving his shoulder.

McKay looked at her thoughtfully considering what she needed to hear. "Evert would never have survived if I hadn't brought him back and I couldn't risk anything happening to you," he said finally.

Then McKay reached out and slowly drew her towards him. Sora's face was a mess of tears now and her breath was coming in short gasps. He kissed her briefly and then leant his head against hers and whispered, "I don't want them to hurt you, Sora. I couldn't risk it."

The depth of feeling in his words sent a stab of pain through Sora. He'd come back for her! For her and her lies. Desperate for some form of absolution she leaned into his arms unable to control the sobs that wracked her body. She was aware of his arms around her, soothing, caressing and calming her.

"I'm sorry, McKay," she sobbed into his shoulder.

At her words McKay took her shoulders and forced her to look at him. He met her eyes, held them with his and then he spoke. "You know what, Sora? I think it's time you started calling me Rodney."


	16. Chapter 16

**Part 16 – Truth and reconciliation**

**Atlantis – the present day**

"If I drink anymore coffee I am never going to sleep again. Can we get some water in here?" McKay asked plaintively. He waited until a cup of water was brought for him and he started to sip at it and then resumed telling his story.

"After I went back Sora and I became very…. close," he smiled and looked a little bashful.

Sheppard interrupted, "So this is when you and Sora became 'we'?"

McKay glowered at Sheppard. "And why is it such a problem for you that I have formed a functional relationship with another adult?" he asked.

"McKay! That's not what I meant. All I'm saying is that Sora was part of an elite strike force, she's a soldier, one of Cowen's hand-picked few, she…" Sheppard foundered under the cool blue regard of McKay, "she's not your type, McKay."

"She became disillusioned with Genii a long time ago. She wanted to leave. She helped me escape and came with me. If you want to understand anymore about her motives, I suggest you speak to her yourself. You're going to have to talk to her soon enough and make up your minds as to whether or not you grant her asylum."

"Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, we spent a lot of time together and we actually had fun. I began to forget that I was a prisoner. They even took that damn tracking device away – claimed they didn't need it anymore." His face twisted slightly at the memory. "Patronising bastards. They thought they had me." An overwhelming shame swept over McKay again and he scrubbed fiercely at his eyes to fight back any traces of moisture that were forming there.

"Sora managed to convince me that I should start socialising with people and so I went with her to Evert's handfasting."

Elizabeth interrupted him, "And a hand-fasting is?"

"It's what it sounds like – a wedding ceremony. In Genii society most marriages are arranged between clans to ensure loyalty and integration. There are some love marriages but not many," McKay explained. "Anyway, she convinced me to go and then, when we were on the surface and she was sure we were away from the bugs…"

Sheppard leant forward, "Wait a second. Bugs?" he asked. "Do you mean creepy crawlies or listening devices?"

"Oh, didn't I mention that? The entire base was bugged. Another charming facet of Genii live – Big Brother is Watching You. Although in their case it was more listening than watching. But if I may continue?" McKay shot an accusatory stare at Sheppard who nodded.

* * *

**The Genii home world – five weeks ago**

"Would I have to dress like an Amish?" McKay asked.

"A what?"

"An Amish. For Evert's hand fasting. You know, would I have to dress like you guys do when you're outside?" he elaborated and gestured vaguely with his hands.

Sora smiled. "Yes," she answered. He sighed deeply.

"But I wouldn't have to wear a hat, right?" She grimaced and nodded. McKay rolled his eyes. "Aw, crap. Do I have to go?" he asked.

"You don't have to but I'd like you come with me. Besides, Rodney, you are the hero of the hour you know. Without you Evert wouldn't be alive for this." He groaned and then got to his feet sighing dramatically.

"OK, where do I get clothes from?"

Sora smiled in triumph. Finally they would be able to talk.

* * *

Sora mingled with the crowd of happy people celebrating Evert's hand fasting. She stole a glance over her shoulder to look at McKay as he stood at the back of the room leaning against a wooden beam. He didn't look happy but as far as she could tell he wasn't unhappy; she knew full well he hadn't wanted to come although she could tell how excited he'd been to be going outside. He'd tried not to show it and made disparaging comments about allergens and UV radiation but she had seen him drinking in the sunlight and the excitement in his eyes as they had walked into the village. They had entered the gathering hall together and he had limped down the line smiling and nodding, following her lead. It had amused her to see that he had "lost" his hat within minutes and he was now standing bareheaded, arms folded defensively across his chest, slightly separate from the crowd, watching. She caught his eye and smiled, beckoning him to come and join her. He shook his head and remained where he was. She sighed and returned her attention to the crowd.

"May I refill your glass Dr McKay?" Cowen had appeared to stand at McKay's side with a flask of Genii moonshine in his hand.

Without turning to look at him McKay replied, "No thank you, Cowen. Now I've fixed your radiation problems I'm not about to destroy my brain cells with that rot gut."

"Suit yourself." Cowen poured a generous measure of the clear liquid into his own cup and over carefully set the flask down on a nearby table betraying his intoxication. "It's good to see you here, Dr McKay and to see you spending time with Sora. She's a remarkable woman."

McKay's eyes narrowed and with a short sideways glance at Cowen he gave a thin lipped smile he said, "Well, too much work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." Cowen roared with laughter at the inane remark.

"I have a question for you Dr McKay. This is the first time you've entered into purely social contact with anyone since you arrived. Does this mean that you are accepting your place in our society? That you've accepted that this is where you belong?" Cowen's face was flushed and he was sweating profusely. He emphasised his point by stabbing at McKay's shoulder with his index finger.

McKay shifted away slightly and grimaced, "Since I arrived? That makes it sound like I came on a visit doesn't it? You really shouldn't mince your words. Why don't you say since you brought me here? And I have a question for you; do I have much choice other than to accept? No, don't answer that, it's a rhetorical question and I really don't want to get into this debate now."

Cowen smiled, "I think you have just answered my question," and with that he slapped McKay on the shoulder and, humming to himself, wandered off in search of more moonshine.

McKay watched him stagger away and realised that Cowen's presence no longer triggered panic or fear, just resignation and endurance. As he digested this he let his eyes wander through the room, over the crowd and wondered if he really could become one of them or if he already had. He leant his head against the beam and closed his eyes thinking back to the last social gathering on Atlantis. He hadn't been an observer at that party; he had been in the thick of it debating animatedly with Sheppard about all the thousands of reasons why ice hockey was a far cooler game than American football. He remembered arguing about team work and co-operation. He felt a spurt of anger against Sheppard. He could almost hear the sanctimonious little prick lecturing him, "We don't leave our people behind…" Well you did this time you bastard he thought to himself, where was your sense of teamwork then? He took a mouthful of the Genii equivalent of beer to distract him and gagged at the bitter taste. "And I didn't think it was possible to make a beer worse than the Americans?" he muttered.

His eyes returned to Sora. He wanted to believe so hard that what they had, what they shared was genuine – it would make his life here bearable if it was – but he couldn't bring himself to. He knew who and what she was and what explanation could there be for her wanting to be with him other than she was being told to do so? He frowned and shifted uncomfortably. His movement must have caught Sora's eye for she excused herself from the circle of people she was with and returned to his side.

"Enjoying yourself, McKay?" she smiled up at him.

He didn't answer, just returned her look and then on impulse bent down to kiss her. The kiss was gentle and hesitant at first but then deepened and intensified as he drew her to him entwining his hands in her long titian hair. She was surprised at first by this unaccustomed public display of affection but then melted into the kiss and her arms crept up around his neck. A few moments later they became aware of a lull in the conversation around them. McKay opened his eyes, looked around and then broke off as he saw that they were the subject of interested glances and raised eyebrows.

"Can we go outside?" he whispered in Sora's ear. Smiling she took his hand and they walked out of the room, his arm draped possessively over her shoulder ignoring the whispers and giggles as they went by.

From across the hall Cowen watched them leave, a triumphant smile on his lips. The guard looked questioningly at Cowen asking for orders. "Follow them, but keep your distance."

McKay and Sora walked down to the shore of the lake and sat hand in hand at the end of a short wooden jetty. "That was out of character, McKay," observed Sora as she leant her head against his shoulder. She felt him breathe in deeply and sigh as he sat leaning back on his hands swinging his legs above the water.

"I've told you before to call me Rodney and I did it because I don't care who knows how I feel about you, Sora," he said. "I'm not going to hide it and if this is where I'm going to spend the rest of my life, well, I can't live a lie."

Sora froze against him, "What do you mean by that Rodney?"

McKay stared out across the water squinting slightly against the sun and then dropped his gaze to watch the waves lap against the jetty. "It means I can't leave here, Sora. If anything happened to you I couldn't bear it. My place is with you and if that means here then I think I just have to do what you said and accept it."

Sora straightened up until she could look directly at McKay her eyes serious and then in an urgent whisper she said, "You mustn't think like that Rodney. You mustn't let them win."


	17. Chapter 17

**Part 17 – Truth hurts**

**Atlantis, the present day**

McKay looked up, caught Sheppard's eyes and held them in an angry glare. "I'd given up. I'd made up my mind that I had to make the most of where I was and I was trying to make myself hate you for what you'd done, for leaving me behind." Sheppard winced but his eyes did not falter and he calmly met McKay's anger.

"I'm sorry about what happened, McKay," he spoke slowly, quietly and deliberately. "We sent a team back for you and found the puddle jumper under the ice, we assumed that…."

McKay raised his hand cutting off Sheppard's apology, explanation whatever it was.

"Don't, Sheppard. I don't want to hear it yet. Let me tell you what Sora told me. What they did."

* * *

**The Genii home world, five weeks ago**

He started slightly and turned to look at her confusion all over his face.

"What? Why not? Isn't that what you've been working for all this time? That I accept my place is here? That I'm one of you?"

She stared deeply into his eyes and carried on speaking in an urgent whisper, "You only think that way because we have forced you to. Please try to stay calm, we don't have long to speak here and this is about the only place I can be sure that no-one is listening but we can't stay for too long. You need to listen to me, Rodney."

His eyes never leaving hers he nodded slowly.

"You mustn't give in, Rodney. Your friends did not leave you behind – we found you before they could get back to you and we faked your death."

He suddenly went still. His heart was pounding in his chest. "They didn't leave me behind?" his voice was suddenly full of hope. The resignation, defeat and acceptance of his fate suddenly fell aside and then suspicion came crashing in.

"And you are telling me this now? Why? Why didn't you tell me before?" He could feel his temper rising.

"Keep your voice down!" hissed Sora. "I have been trying to get us somewhere we could talk for weeks, this is one of the few places we can so shut up and listen to me."

"What, do you mean that everywhere else someone is listening to us?" McKay suddenly thought of everything they had said together, everything they had done together.

"They don't have film do they?" he asked suddenly worried just what might have been recorded.

"Shut up and listen," ordered Sora. Then in urgent whispers she told him exactly what had happened, how he had ended up in the hands of the Genii.

* * *

**Elia, 6 months ago, the site of the accident.**

They waited in the shadow of the mountain hidden by the falling snow until the two Elians had left, taking with them the wounded Lantean they had gently extracted from the puddle jumper lodged on the bank of the river. Cautiously the Genii team crept forward determined to recover anything of worth from the ship. They worked silently, an established and efficient team working in total harmony. They were cautious, afraid of disturbing the balance of the puddle jumper and tipping it further. As they entered they saw, lying towards the front of the puddle jumper, a body, a jacket draped over its head.

The leader of the group looked around assessing the situation. "Right, you and you empty the lockers. Sora, you see what you can do to extract any data you can." Two of the team moved to the lockers and Sora, stepping carefully around the inert body on the floor, went to sit in the pilot's seat to access the controls. She carefully avoided looking at the body.

One of the team bent down to access the lower lockers but the body was in the way. He pulled it away from the side of the jumper to gain free access the lower storage lockers. A wide smear of blood was left on the floor. Wiping his hands on his trousers he focussed on emptying the lockers as quickly as he could. As he turned to pass his filled kit bag to his team mate something about the body caught his eye.

The smear of blood was widening into a pool.

Curious, he knelt down and drew back the bloodied garment draped over its face. He was no stranger to injury but the torn and battered flesh of the Lantean drew a sharp breath from him. He looked closer and detected the slightest of movement behind the lids of the pallid face beneath him. He broke the silence.

"Sir!" he called out softly. The team leader turned to him with a harsh look.

"The Lantean, Sir – he's alive," he whispered.

The team leader walked slowly towards the injured man on the floor and crouched down to take a closer look.

"Not so much alive as not dead yet," he observed. Sora turned to take a closer look. A low groan came from the inert body on the floor.

Sora's eyes widened with recognition. "It's McKay," she whispered. "We have to help him."

The team leader looked at her questioningly.

She repeated, "We have to help him. He could be useful – the Lanteans will give a lot in exchange to get him back. He's their chief scientist – the one that gave us the designs for the A bombs."

She knelt down beside the unconscious figure on the floor and, reaching for a medical kit, she started trying to stem the flow of blood from the gaping wound on McKay's head.

"OK, we take him with us. But first of all we have to cover our tracks. They will come back for him and we have to make sure there's a plausible explanation for the body being gone." He turned to Sora. "You take Gillan and take him to the camp." Sora glanced up, doubt beginning to cloud her eyes and then she nodded.

* * *

**The Genii home world five weeks ago.**

Sora had been speaking quickly and urgently but then she paused for moment. She turned to meet McKay's eyes and then looked away, worried and anxious that what she would tell him next would change their relationship forever.

"It was my fault you were taken, Rodney. I recognised you and I said that we should take you with us. I thought that we could improve our diplomatic relationship if we rescued a key member of your expedition and returned them. I swear that was my plan." Sora's eyes were wide pleading for his understanding.

"We took you back with us and then when we got back Cowen told me that we weren't going to contact your people, we were going to attempt to integrate you instead. If I had known that is what would happen I wouldn't have said anything and we would have left you there."

"And then I would have died of hypothermia or blood loss," McKay whispered to himself.

Sora gave a low snort and shook her head before replying, "No, McKay. You wouldn't have. Your friends came back for you but they didn't find you. They didn't look for you because they thought you were dead."

McKay looked at her questioningly.

"We faked your death, McKay. We weakened the ice so that the ship would fall through then we covered our tracks." Sora's feelings of guilt were clearly written on her face.

"We took you back with us to our camp. Treated you as best we could and at the first opportunity we gated back home." Sora's face was distorted with her emotions. "I'm so sorry. When I realised what was happening I vowed I would do what I could do help you get away."

McKay sat there trying to assimilate and process the new data. He couldn't focus, all he could hear was a voice saying, "We don't leave our people behind." He could feel the solid lump of hurt and betrayal that had been present in his chest ever since he woke up in the Genii infirmary five months ago swell until it burst and disappeared. He threw back his head and looking up at the blue sky above him he smiled ignoring the tears that started to run from his eyes.

"They didn't leave me behind," he whispered. He felt like laughing, like crying, like screaming.

Sora was sitting quietly next to him watching him. "We should go back soon, McKay." She shifted as if to stand but was stopped by McKay taking hold of her hands.

"Not yet, Sora," he said. "We're not finished here." He turned so that they were sitting face to face on the jetty, their knees brushing.

"Why did you decide you had to help me?" he asked.

"I felt guilty."

McKay held Sora's eyes and repeated his question, "Why did you decide you had to help me?"

"I said I felt guilty." Sora's expression became hunted as McKay held her hands and waited for her to answer. Abruptly Sora raised her chin and her expression changed to defiant. "I felt guilty, but that is not everything. I knew that you were my best chance to get away….. When I was sent back in exchange for the bombs I saw a side of our society that I had never seen before. Even before then I had begun to have my doubts. My people are good people but our rulers are not. The end justifies the means is the only thing they understand. What they don't understand or what can't help them, they destroy… When I realised what their intention was with you, I begged to be assigned to your integration… I know you, Rodney! I knew that if anyone else was assigned they wouldn't be able to get you to bend… I knew that they would kill you. I couldn't let that happen. I had to protect you."

"Why?" McKay needed to know.

Sora swallowed and she answered, "Because I care for you, Rodney and I want to go with you."


	18. Chapter 18

**Part 18 – Escape**

**The Genii home world, five weeks ago**

Cowen stood watching as Sora and McKay walked slowly back from the jetty. McKay had an arm wrapped possessively around her and he was smiling a wide unguarded smile. Cowen's eyes narrowed as he watched their progress. He heard someone step up besides him and he glanced around to see Kolya standing besides him.

"I think our problem might be resolving itself, Kolya, old friend," he said as he raised his glass again in the direction of Sora and McKay.

"I am not so sure, Cowen," replied Kolya. "I don't trust him." They stood for a while watching as Sora and McKay rejoined the crowd.

* * *

**Atlantis, the present day**

McKay looked around the room at the faces of his friends. Elizabeth looked fascinated by his description of the Genii culture, Sheppard looked sick and Caldwell, well he looked as implacable as ever. He decided to keep the rest of his story as short as possible, filling in only the briefest of details about the work he had done in his final few weeks with the Genii he focussed on telling them how they escaped.

"We planned our escape at night; it was the only time we could talk without being overheard," he said. He didn't elaborate on where they were holding their conversations but could see that they understood.

"There was another hand-fasting ceremony but this time we stayed on the farm overnight. That was when we agreed we would make our move. In their minds I was safely guarded by Sora and she was beyond suspicion."

* * *

**The Genii home world two days previously**

McKay lay on the straw mattress trying to ignore the prickles that irritated his skin no matter how he lay. Sora lay with her head on his shoulder with her hair spread out over him. Her hand traced lazy circles on his chest and a stray curl of her hair was tickling his chin.

Realising she was awake he whispered, "Is it time yet?"

"Not yet," she replied softly. "The guard at the Stargate changes over just before dawn. We shouldn't leave for another two hours."

He sat up. "I can't just sit here and wait!" he exclaimed quietly. He started drumming his fingers nervously on the sheet and then ran them through his hair.

"Relax, Rodney, you'll need your strength."

"How can you be so relaxed, Sora? I can't stand waiting. I never could."

Sora propped herself up on her elbows and looked at him, a smouldering look. "How about we do something to take your mind off it?" Laughing at his expression she drew him towards her and kissed him deeply.

Two hours later they silently climbed out of the window and down into the garden surrounding the house. Sora looked around, eyes straining in the darkness. She nodded and indicated that McKay should go first. He walked cautiously along the side of the building making his way through the long grass that was heavy with dew. It was nearly dawn and the light was flat and grey with deep shadows although there was the faintest tinge of rose was colouring the horizon.

"Where are you going, Dr McKay?" Kolya stepped out of the shadow cast by the barn.

McKay leapt out of his skin. "I'm walking, just walking," he stammered. "Please, I'm just walking." He held his hands open in front of him to show they were empty. Kolya's eyes were dark and glittering. McKay backed away slowly, eyes casting around desperately looking for somewhere to run, to hide. His back came up against the barn wall. He had nowhere to go, he couldn't fight Kolya, the man was a trained killing machine, and he wouldn't have a chance.

"Turn and face the wall, Dr McKay, hands above your head," ordered Kolya. He complied with a sinking heart, panic filling his stomach. Kolya had been waiting for him. She had betrayed him. This had all been a test. He would go back to re-education. They would break him again and completely this time. He would betray all he knew, all he had been. He should never have trusted her.

"There's no need, Kolya, please. I'm not going anywhere," McKay stammered out instinctively trying to talk his way out of it.

With a snort Kolya reached up, grabbed one of McKay's hands and pulled it roughly behind his back snapping a handcuff onto it. McKay flinched, then shifted his weight slightly and was suddenly thrown forwards hard against the wall, his breath knocked out of him. He winced in pain.

"Don't move unless I order you to, Dr McKay. Understood?" Kolya's voice was a low threat. McKay nodded.

Then Kolya reached up and grabbed McKay's other wrist, pulled it down and fastened the handcuff tightly around it. He leant forward and whispered in McKay's ear, "If you have done anything to hurt her I will kill you, Dr McKay. Do you understand?"

Confusion swept over him. Hurt her? Hope rose in him and he felt a sudden rush of shame for doubting Sora. He squirmed against the grip of the stronger man. "I haven't done anything, I said, I'm just walking."

Kolya tugged at the handcuffs forcing a gasp of pain from McKay who instinctively pulled away from him earning himself a sharp slap around the head. "Stop it, Dr McKay. I knew it was wrong to trust you and I've been watching you. You are coming back with me. If you were just walking, then I will apologise to you. If not, then we will see what you have done and, believe me, you will pay for it."

He pulled roughly at McKay's arm and started dragging him back to the farmhouse. McKay resisted, trying to buy Sora time to get back into the house, anything, "Look, it's a mistake, I couldn't sleep, I'm just walking, that's all," McKay was stammering and he knew it. "I.. I.. I.. don't sleep well, and… and… and… I thought that a walk might." Kolya cut him off with a blow to the side of the head. He went down on his knees. "Ow," he complained, "that really hurt."

He knelt in the wet grass staring up at Kolya. It was still dark but he could definitely see a movement behind Kolya. McKay started to talk again, to babble, anything to hold Kolya's attention whilst Sora circled around behind him. "Look, I said I was Genii and I am, I… I… I'm not going to try to get away again, I promise, please just take these off and we can forget this….."

Kolya stood staring down at the man kneeling in the grass puzzled. He didn't buy this panicked act for a moment. "What are you doing, Dr McKay?" he asked mere seconds before Sora brought down the log she was armed with on his head as hard as she could. His eyes turned up in his head and he pitched forward to lie in the long grass, silent.

McKay watched in horrified fascination as Sora hit Kolya again. Then she rolled him over onto his back and searched his pockets for the key to the handcuffs. A few fumbled seconds later and the handcuffs and keys were lying in the grass next to Kolya's inert form and they were off, running for the Stargate as quickly and as silently as they could.

It was a matter of seconds until Kolya regained full consciousness. He was lying in the grass, a half rotten log lying next to him. He could feel the blood running down his forehead into his eyes. He blinked to clear his vision and then with a gargantuan effort of will he pushed himself upwards until he was propped up against the wall of the barn. He could see the two figures running in the direction of the Stargate. He lifted his gun and aimed for the middle of McKay's back, he had a clean shot. He held it for several seconds and began to squeeze the trigger. He knew McKay hadn't broken, he knew he wasn't integrated – it had been wishful thinking from Cowen. He knew the man couldn't be trusted. Re-education wouldn't work on someone like him. He could hear the voice of his first commander, the man who had taken in the raw recruit, the man who had re-educated him.

_"Who are you?"_

"_I am Acastus Kolya of the Genii."_

"_And what is your duty?"_

"_I serve my people. I fight for my people. I die for my people."_

"_Who are your people?"_

"_The Genii. They saved me from the Wraith and gave me a home."_

"_What will you do to enemies of the Genii?"_

"_I will kill them."_

Then suddenly, unbidden, the memories of his life before he became Genii flooded over him. He blinked to clear his mind, to drive them away but failed. He remembered the small holding where he had grown up. He remembered his parents and his brothers. He remembered his golden haired sister whom he had sworn to protect. He remembered her suitor that he and his brothers had beaten to pulp and with whom she had run away with anyway.

He remembered losing them all.

He remembered accepting the loss.

He remembered the pain of that acceptance and the cold fury he had channelled into his life and work for the Genii.

He raised his arm again, they were still within range, and he could still bring them both down. For several long seconds he held his aim and then, with a strangled groan, he carefully lowered the weapon. He closed his eyes and slumped down against the side of the barn. He decided he would stay here until he was found. He would say he didn't remember what had happened and he would be believed. He opened his eyes and could faintly see Sora's golden hair as she ran besides McKay towards the Stargate back to his people.

Sora and McKay were running for their lives. Dealing with Kolya had cost them time and the noise of it had aroused suspicion and they could hear the shouts of the patrol alert to their presence.

"I won't have time to disable the DHD," gasped McKay as they ran. "We'll just dial and go through."

Sora gave him her agreement with a brief nod as she ran.

Oh God, oh God! I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead thought McKay as he ran struggling to keep up with Sora. Their plan was about to fail.

"Just dial it, McKay!" Sora hissed at him as he staggered up to the DHD wheezing for breath. He dialled as quickly as he could. He could hear voices, shots, the adrenaline surged in him and he turned. Sora was running towards him, he saw the soldier pause, lift his rifle to his shoulder and then he heard the shot. Sora leapt in front of him and pushed him towards the event horizon. He heard the impact of the bullet in her side, her sharply exhaled gasp of pain and then she was thrown heavily against him and they both fell through the shimmering blue surface.

They hit the ground heavily on the other side of the wormhole and he lay for a second winded. Trembling from the adrenalin rush, he struggled out from beneath Sora's limp body and ran to the DHD to cut off the incoming wormhole. He quickly redialled; ripped off his jacket, tore off the sleeve and stuffed it into her shirt as a makeshift bandage. Then he dragged Sora to her feet and plunged into the event horizon once more.

McKay couldn't run, not supporting her weight and so he let her drop to the floor, where she lay blood bubbling from her lips with every breath. He ran to the DHD, killed the incoming wormhole and dialled another address. He ran back to where she lay, pulled her up with him and dragged her with him through the event horizon. He repeated the manoeuvre four more times before he dared to dial the Alpha Site address. She was conscious again, although barely, and they staggered through the event horizon together. Once the wormhole deactivated he gently lowered her to sit leaning against the DHD facing the Stargate. Then he collapsed onto the ground next to her and then turned to kneel looking into her face.

* * *

**Atlantis, the present day**

"And the rest you know," McKay ended quietly.

The telling of the tale was not as traumatic as the living of it but the memories and the feelings were so fresh and so strong that it had exhausted him. He sat there and waited for Elizabeth to speak. When she didn't he looked up and asked, "Well? What next? What are you going to do? Can she stay? What am I going to do now?"

Elizabeth smiled. "There will be time for that later," she said. "We've got some thinking to do first."

"Oh yes, um," McKay got to his feet, "I'll leave you now, I guess you've got a lot to talk about." He moved as if to leave the room.

"Rodney, sit down!" Sheppard sounded exasperated. "We're not going to talk about you behind your back."

"But I've got to go. You wanted me to see Heightmeyer. You know, to check if I'm a crazy man or not. Well I'm due there in 15 minutes," McKay was gesturing weakly with one hand.

Elizabeth winced at his words and then nodded. "It's OK, Rodney, you go. We can talk when you're finished," she said.

McKay nodded and then headed purposefully for the door. When he got there he hesitated, turned to face his friends and then spoke. "There's one other thing you should know. The hand fasting ceremony we were at when we escaped. Well, it was ours."


	19. Chapter 19

**Part 19 - Decisions, decisions**

**Atlantis, the present day**

The jaws of everyone in the room were hanging open. Even Sheppard was temporarily robbed of the power of speech. McKay's bombshell had not only derailed the train of thought; it had ripped up the tracks.

"What the hell?" Sheppard was the first to speak.

"He married a Genii?" asked Caldwell in disbelief.

Suddenly Sheppard laughed. "Well, I'll say this for Rodney, he never does the expected!" he said with a grin.

Elizabeth nodded her agreement and then said, "I think I'd better go and talk to Sora, don't you?" and she stood up and left the room.

"Yeah," agreed Sheppard nodding as he watched her walk purposefully away wondering what the hell had gone on to lead to this.

* * *

Kate Heightmeyer was going through her files and setting her desk straight, preparing for her next appointment. She was in two minds as to whether she was looking forward to it or not. She had felt relief and joy that McKay was alive and back in Atlantis but from what she knew of what had happened she did not relish the prospect of doing a psychological evaluation.

Kate had experience of McKay as a patient and in the course of her job had been given full access to his files and she knew his history. She knew experiences with quack psychologists as a child had made him wary and sceptical of the whole science. She also knew first hand that he was the most awkward of any of her patients; he was stubborn, rude, obsessive, compulsive, uncooperative, a good deal more intelligent than anyone else she knew and quite capable of running rings around her if he choose to. He was also her friend. Remaining impartial would be difficult.

He was, unusually, on time and hesitantly walked in studying the room intently as if familiarising himself with something he had missed. He said an awkward hello to her and stood hovering near the door as if unsure of his welcome.

"It's good to have you back Rodney." She had started appraising McKay as soon as he walked into the room. He didn't appear to be in as bad a shape as she had been led to believe. She smiled encouragingly as he plonked himself down on her sofa and sat there awkwardly and defensively, arms crossed, shoulders hunched.

"You know that I've been asked to produce a psychological evaluation don't you?"

He nodded. "Yeah, see if I'm a crazy man," he replied rudely and sketched a few circles at his temple in the universal indication of insanity.

Ignoring the rudeness she continued, "I will prepare a psychological evaluation as asked; however, my prime concern is you." She looked at him intently. Besides the pale scar on his temple that tracked up into his hair there were few other physical signs of his ordeal and those that there were were subtle; he was thinner, he looked tired and he had an air of wariness about him that hadn't been there before.

McKay sighed and interrupted her, "Look, I'm not really your patient, _Deanna_. Weir, Sheppard and Caldwell want you and _Baron Samedi_ to evaluate whether I'm fit to go back to work or not. That's why I'm here so can we get on with it and leave the psycho-babble to one side,_Counseller_?"

Kate cringed inwardly. This was going to be every bit as difficult as she had feared.

"Well, I'm glad to see that your tactful and diplomatic nature is still in one piece," she said smiling to take the sting out of her words. She then added, "You might think this is just an evaluation but I think we need to discuss how your experiences have affected you and how you're going to adapt to being back here."

McKay rolled his eyes.

Kate raised her eyebrows and fixed McKay with a look. "Rodney, you might want to put the psycho-babble to one side but since you described yourself to Elizabeth as," and she referred to her file, "a complete bloody mess, you feel guilty and angry, you don't know who to trust, at one stage you didn't want to come back, you don't know what to believe and what's messing with your head even more is that you don't know whether what you feel is genuine or whether it's some bizarre psychological effect of what has happened, I think we might need the psycho-babble, OK?" Whilst she was talking she noticed that McKay was shifting uneasily in his chair. "Those are your words, Rodney, aren't they?"

McKay looked embarrassed. "Yes, OK, I might have said that but that was just initially, I'm OK now. I'm dealing with it. I don't have post traumatic stress disorder, I just need some peace and quiet and to get back to my work. I'll deal with it," he snapped back.

Kate nodded and replied, "Rodney, you can't just shut this off and repress what happened. You have to deal with it and it's my job to help you do just that. You've been through a very traumatic six months. However, we'll start with the evaluation and then we take it from there, OK?"

With a relieved expression on his face, McKay nodded.

"OK, I'd like to start by you telling me your reactions to being back here in Atlantis."

With a grimace McKay started to talk.

* * *

Elizabeth Weir knocked lightly on the door before leaning around it to look into the small room off the end of the infirmary where Sora was ensconced. She was sitting up in bed talking to one of the medical staff who was in the process of disconnecting most the monitoring equipment she had been hooked up to.

"May I come in?" Elizabeth asked.

"Of course, we're nearly done here anyway," the medic said looking over his shoulder as he packed together his kit. With a few last words to Sora he left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

"How are you feeling Sora? Dr Beckett tells us you are doing exceptionally well," Elizabeth spoke softly. She had always felt a twinge of conscience about exchanging Sora for the bombs although she couldn't quite place her finger on why and was glad to see her doing so well.

Sora smiled a quick tight smile. "Dr Beckett is a skilled doctor. I know that he saved my life and I am very grateful to him and to you." She paused for a moment and started fiddling with the bed covers. "Thank you for seeing me Dr Weir." Sora looked nervously at Elizabeth. "I appreciate that you are very busy but I need to talk to you. Rodney has asked for asylum on my behalf." It was a statement rather than a question.

"Yes he did. He also told us what you did for him and I would like to thank you."

Sora's face clouded as she replied, "Has he told you everything that happened? What they.. what we did to him?" Elizabeth nodded. "Then how can you thank me, Dr Weir?"

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows, "You helped him escape, Sora. He's back with us and that is something we value very much. You saved his life."

"It was my fault he was taken in the first place."

"Rodney told us what happened. You can't take the blame for that."

"Can't I?" Sora replied angrily.

Elizabeth smiled at the younger woman lying in the bed and answered softly, "No, you can't." She sat for a while without speaking, studying Sora who nervously returned her level look. Finally she asked, "Why did you decide to help Rodney, Sora? He has told me what you told him but I'd like to hear it from you."

"I wanted to help him because it was my fault that he ended up in the situation he was in," she held up a hand to stop Elizabeth's words of protest. "Even before he was taken I'd made up my mind that staying with my people was not an option." Sora's eyes grew distant and she remembered her return to the Genii from Atlantis. Hours and hours of questioning, interrogation even. The suspicion that had fallen on her, how she had had to prove her loyalty over and over again, how she had striven to return to Cowen's inner circle and the realisation that once she was there she no longer wanted to be a part of it.

"I always believed in my people, Dr Weir. I believed it was our destiny to one day defeat the Wraith. I believed that we were better than all other races we encountered. As I grew older I began to see that what I had believed was not true." She fell silent.

"That does not explain why you decided to help Rodney."

Sora nodded and then continued, "When my father died the last of my illusions died with him. He was my hero and yet he did not act to save someone who could have been saved. Our peoples could have achieved so much more if only we had co-operated and been truthful with one another." Her face was twisted with grief. "He was so foolish. We all were. He killed that man and alerted the Wraith. His actions nearly ruined the mission!"

"Everyone can make mistakes, Sora."

"But not everyone pays for them with their life," replied Sora bitterly. "I came to hate him for it. He died and left me alone and part of me died with him. Rodney brought that part of me back to life," she said simplistically.

"Rodney is very attached to you, Sora," stated Elizabeth quietly.

Sora smiled and responded, "And I to him. Believe me, it was not my intention at the start but he grew on me. I was so scared that we would break him before I could get him somewhere we could speak but he didn't break, Dr Weir. I'm not seen anyone stand up to Cowen the way he did." She paused looking for the right words. "Rodney is everything that I am not. He is honest, direct and brave."

Elizabeth spoke with Sora for another two hours and then, when it was obvious Sora was becoming fatigued, she left. She spent several hours in her office mulling over what she knew, what her options were. She needed more information. She needed to talk to Kate. She stood up abruptly and headed off to Kate's office.

Kate was working late into the evening, typing up her report when Elizabeth came into her office. "I'm sorry Elizabeth but my report isn't ready yet," she said as Elizabeth perched on the edge of her desk.

"I didn't expect it would be," said Elizabeth. "I just wanted to see if you could give me a quick assessment now. I need to make some decisions pretty quickly and I want your's and Carson's view before I do. In your professional opinion, how is he?"

Kate Heightmeyer smiled and then said, "If you're asking, is he OK to go back to work? Well, then I'd say yes, after a couple of week's rest and reorientation with the proviso of on-going counselling."

Elizabeth gave Kate a questioning look.

Kate continued, "If you're asking me, what is his mental state? Well, the answer to that question is that he's neurotic, obsessive, compulsive and slightly paranoid but not much more so than six months ago."

Elizabeth relaxed slightly and then nodded at Kate to continue.

"He's still the same old Rodney. He called me Deanna and Carson Baron Samedi. He also told me that he's not my patient as he doesn't have post traumatic stress disorder. To some extent he's right; he isn't showing significant signs of it. However, I would not be surprised to see post traumatic stress disorder emerge over the coming months. He still has some unresolved irrational and directionless anger because of what happened but mentally, as far as I can tell with one session, he's in remarkably good shape all things considered."

"Well, you know our Rodney, he's a resilient kind of guy," said Elizabeth.

Kate ruefully smiled her agreement. "I think you've hit the nail on the head, Elizabeth. I think the reason why he is in such good shape, relatively speaking, boils down to the fact that he is obsessive compulsive and stubborn. Obsessive people are difficult to brainwash and when you combine that with someone as stubborn as Rodney… well I'm sure you can fill in the blanks."

Kate frowned and then continued, "He needs help though, Elizabeth. Something is worrying him. He mentioned Stockholm Syndrome a couple of times and asked a few questions about evolutionary psychology and capture bonding and, although he hasn't come out and said it, he is very worried that what he feels for Sora is a manifestation of that and I'm inclined to agree with him. How else can we explain such a strong emotional attachment developing in such a short time? I'm not saying it's not a genuine attachment because I think it is but it didn't develop naturally. Without this attachment, without her, I don't think we'd be seeing the same man sitting in front of us, Elizabeth."

She paused and ran her fingers through her hair before continuing, "Whatever she did she centred him and gave him a focus but he's got some heavy duty unresolved issues there he's going to have to confront. He's overcome with guilt that he didn't trust her, that he used her to get away and that he is still lying to her about Atlantis. He can't control how he feels about her and he doesn't like it. His abdication from all responsibility as to whether we take her in is generating so much guilt, stress and turmoil….. It's not healthy." She stopped, wondering how to continue. "He's going to have to confront this and the sooner the better unless we're planning on keeping Sora locked into that room in the infirmary for ever."

Elizabeth nodded her agreement and then asked, "Did he tell you that they are "married" for want of a better word?"

Kate nodded slowly. "Yes he did. He told me how exactly how and why too."


	20. Chapter 20

Part 20 – Hand-fasting

Atlantis - the present day

The Infirmary

It was late by the time McKay returned to the small room at the end of the Infirmary. He'd spent three hours with Heightmeyer and had then been side tracked by Sheppard and dragged off to the mess hall for an impromptu welcome back dinner. His head was reeling with the impact of his return to Atlantis and the reunions with his colleagues and friends.

Radek could not hide his delight at seeing McKay again and had attempted to update him on six months of research in a single evening;

i "This you must see, Rodney. We have finally managed to establish stable feedback loop between jumper cloaking unit and boosting station on mainland. It means we have portable cloak generator now and can cloak the settlement. But before then you must have look at device found on PZ 783. We think it is device for re-charging ZPM but cannot get it working and…."

"So, you just couldn't do it without me, huh? See, I am the smartest man in two galaxies!"

"You are also most arrogant and irritating man."

"That I do not deny and you have just conceded that I am smarter than you!" /i 

Ronan had thumped him so hard on the shoulder that he nearly was knocked off his feet;

i "Ow, ow, ow! What you trying to do? Pummel me into a pulp? Go and pick on someone your own size, Conan."

"Missed you too, McKay." /i 

Teyla had smiled in a maddeningly serene way and welcomed him back with the traditional Athosian greeting touching her forehead against his;

i "We have truly missed you, Dr McKay. I, for one, am very glad that you are back with us. I look forward to you re-joining our missions. How is Sora? Is she recovering well from her wound?" /i 

Cadman had teased him non stop with Carson filling in whenever she had paused to breathe and then there was Katie Brown. He smiled at her and hugged her back but any attraction he felt to her was gone. She had sat there and stared at him until she quietly stood up and walked away.

He had been hugged, slapped on the back and kissed (kissed!) by more people today than he ever had been in his life.

He'd evaded answering as many questions as he could and, with Sheppard backing up his decision to remain silent on certain topics, no-one had persisted. Eventually he'd managed to make his excuses and had escaped to come back to be with Sora who was deeply asleep by the time he got to her bed side.

He didn't wake her. Instead he sat and watched her as she slept.

Why had he dropped that bombshell as he left the conference room earlier today? Why hadn't he just told them it was all a ruse, a plan, a way to escape, a means to an end? Why hadn't he told them that they'd agreed that this was their best chance to get away? They would have understood that but no, he'd deliberately set the cat amongst the pigeons and given them the impression it was more. Was it because it he wanted it to be more?

He sat there until the early hours of the morning mulling it over in his mind.

hr 

Atlantis - the present day

Dr Heightmeyer's office

"He didn't say anything to us. He just turned before he left the room and dropped the bombshell that they were 'hand-fasted'. I thought John was going to fall off his chair and Caldwell, well he's having kittens over it," said Elizabeth. "I spent some time with Sora, but she nearly passed out from fatigue before I managed to speak to her about it, and now I'd like to know what Rodney said to you before I speak with him again or make any kind of decision. So, come on – report."

"Simply put, it was a ruse, a way to get to the surface so they could get away," stated Kate.

"Why didn't he say that?" asked Elizabeth. "Doesn't he realise the impression he gave was that it was for real?"

"Rodney's an intelligent man. Of course he does."

"Then why did he do it?"

"Think about it."

Elizabeth sat in silence for a few minutes and then understanding dawned on her face. "Oh, he wants it to be real?" she asked.

Kate nodded slowly and then leant back in her chair and began to fill Elizabeth in on the details of the hand-fasting.

hr 

The Genii home-world, Rodney and Sora's hand-fasting

McKay was sitting on a chair at the front of the assembly hall in the village. He was once again dressed in the simple clothes that the Genii wore when above the surface. He was close to panicking and was waiting to be married.

How had he got himself into this? He ranted to himself. It was all her fault. She'd talked him into it. Don't panic, McKay, don't panic, he chanted to himself. It was just a plan, just something they had to do in order to get away. Nothing more…. They'd discussed this and agreed it. It was an act, a means to an end. It was the only way for them to be on the surface overnight so that they could get to the Stargate. He turned and looked at Sora sitting quietly besides him and then shifted his attention back to Cowen. Oh God, he hoped he could carry this off.

Cowen was standing at the front of the room facing the group of around 40 people gathered for the occasion. He clapped his hands and the room fell silent. With a broad smile on his face, dressed in the clothes of the surface dwellers, Cowen looked like a jovial village head man about to lead his people in a simple ceremony of thanksgiving. He began to speak.

"It has been six months since we rescued Dr McKay after he was abandoned and left for dead by the Lanteans. We rescued him, tended to his injuries, took him in and offered him a permanent home with us. An offer that he gladly accepted." Sora's hand tightened in warning on McKay's arm as she felt his breath quickening, a sign she recognised as prelude to a tirade. He struggled to hide his anger. He'd known this would be part of it but to hear the blatant lies and seeing the double think so clearly accepted was so hard.

Oblivious to the effect his words were having on McKay, Cowen continued, "Since that time he has proven to us his worth many times over and our kindness has been repaid. I am delighted at the attachment that has developed between Dr McKay and Sora as it gives us, according to the traditions of our people, the opportunity to offer Dr McKay the chance to join the Genii as a full clan member by way of hand fasting and I am proud to be officiating at this ceremony. Dr McKay and Sora please stand before me."

Stifling his anger McKay stood and approached Cowen. He could see Sora at his side her face calm and serene. She could at least show some signs of nerves too! But wasn't that the way of weddings, the men were nervous wrecks and the women serenely triumphant? At least it was in his experience, one of the many reasons why he swore he'd never go through it himself. He chose not to think of the reasons i.e. that he didn't think he'd ever find anyone who he'd want to marry in the first place or who would want to marry him. Wait, get a grip - this is just an act, he reminded himself.

"Declare your full name and clan allegiance," commanded Cowen.

"I am Sora Dormond of the Genii. My clan allegiance is Kolya." Sora's voice was clear and steady.

"I am Rodney McKay of the Genii. I have no clan. My allegiance is to the Genii." McKay's voice was clear although it betrayed some of his inner tension but he judged that a man was allowed to be nervous at his own wedding. And why did she have to be clan Kolya? This was bad enough as it was.

"Give me your hands," ordered Cowen.

McKay held out his right hand and Sora her left. Cowen took hold of their shoulders and firmly turned them to face one another and then took their hands in his. He held them together, palms touching, at shoulder height, McKay's right hand and Sora's left. Then he reached out and an official stepped forward and placed a strap of well worn, highly decorated leather in Cowen's hand.

Cowen took it and ceremoniously bound Sora's and McKay's wrists together as their fingers entwined. Standing facing each other they had no choice but to stare into each other's eyes.

"Dr McKay, repeat after me the following words," he commanded.

" I declare my health and I declare that there is no impediment to this hand-fasting."

McKay's mouth was slightly twisted as he spoke thinking back to how the Genii had broken his health to bend him to their will. How could they believe that this was genuine? With a shock he realised that it could have been. He'd been on the verge of accepting his fate when Sora had told him that he hadn't been abandoned. It was only her words that had reignited his waning hopes of escape.

Cowen shifted his attention to Sora and she repeated the same phrases that McKay had. She calmly held McKay's eyes without faltering as she spoke almost as if she could see the turmoil that was behind them and was attempting to soothe him.

"And now both of you repeat after me," Cowen's grip on their hands became stronger.

"We declare our intention to live together as spouses."

Sora gave McKay a quick smile before she repeated the words. They had been living 'as spouses' for the past four weeks, planning their escape in whispers in the only place she knew would not be monitored – her bed. She had been overwhelmed by the passion of their first night together but she should have known that McKay would apply the same single-mindedness he did to everything else to the bedroom. She almost giggled as she remembered the shocked faces of McKay's team of scientists when they'd realised he was keeping company with a member of the elite guard……

"We declare our intention to raise our children in the ways of the Genii."

A slight flush crept over Sora's face as she repeated the words and McKay's eyes widened in panic and an urgent, unspoken question. She shook her head minutely and was obscurely disappointed by the relief that flooded McKay's open face.

"We declare allegiance to the clan Kolya."

Sora noted the slight wince as McKay repeated the words.

"Now, turn to face me and state your names and clan allegiances." Obediently they turned and let their bound hands fall to their sides, fingers still entwined.

"I am Sora Dormond of the Genii. My clan allegiance is Kolya."

"I am Rodney McKay of the Genii. My clan allegiance is Kolya."

"And now repeat after me, as our hands have been made fast, so have our lives."

As he spoke the words Rodney tightened his grip on Sora's hand and was reassured as the pressure was returned. He could do this, he told himself. He could. He'd got over the hardest part, now it was just a party and the escape. In comparison it would be a piece of cake.

Kolya stood slightly to one side and studied Sora's face intently throughout the ceremony. He had been against using her for McKay's integration from the beginning. The Genii had people trained for this – she wasn't. She was a soldier, used to orders, to dealing with black and white situations, not the shades of grey and dual thinking or the cold breaking of men that the integration process required. He had argued that she since she had spent several months with the Lanteans she would be too close to him, that she was too volatile and that she let her heart rule her actions. His arguments had been over-ridden.

He knew that he had started the process of breaking McKay in order that he could be moulded into a form useful to the Genii but the process wasn't complete. He didn't share Cowen's optimistic belief that McKay was fully integrated. He knew that McKay had come back to them in order to save the life of a member of his team and if he could act that way towards someone who he had known for only a matter of months how could he have already severed his ties to the team he had been part of for two years? The team with whom he had fought, whom he had protected and who had given up on finding McKay alive only after they found some of his personal effects frozen into the ice.

He knew from his own experience that it took time to forget what had been even when you knew that what you had was gone, when you had seen the destruction and the deaths with your own eyes. McKay's people weren't gone and McKay knew that they were still out there. He could not accept that McKay had given up all hope of getting back to them. He had no doubt that it would happen but was sure it would take more than six months.

Kolya's thoughts turned back to Sora. McKay had also come back to protect her and he had no doubt that the man cared for her. However, could Sora remain objective? He doubted it. Seeing the look of joy and happiness on her face as she spoke her vows reinforced his belief that Sora's resolve was now compromised by her emotions. McKay could use her. She was vulnerable.

He would keep a close watch.


	21. Chapter 21

**Part 21 – Loose ends**

**Atlantis – the present day**

Elizabeth Weir, John Sheppard and Stephen Caldwell were in the conference room waiting for McKay to join them. Elizabeth had discussed and agreed her decided course of action with them and they both agreed, although with some reservations on Caldwell's behalf.

McKay entered the room, quietly walked over to the table and sat down.

"Have you decided yet?" he asked.

"Rodney, good morning. How are you?" Elizabeth ignored his question and McKay gave her a hard stare before he answered.

"I'm feeling better, thanks, so have you decided that I'm not crazy and what you're going to do with me and Sora?" he asked rudely hiding his nervousness.

"Rodney, how about saying good morning back to us first?" Sheppard interjected.

"Why? I never understand why people want to go through this strange ritual of congratulating each other on what a good morning it is. It's not as if we have an influence on it, is it?"

"Rodney," replied Sheppard in a low warning voice. McKay gave him a half hearted scowl and then turned to face Elizabeth with a questioning look.

Elizabeth smiled brightly and said, "Rodney, I want you to know that I have considered this decision very carefully and I…"

She hesitated minutely and McKay leapt in.

"You're sending me back to Earth, aren't you? You think I'm a security risk….." McKay had a look of profound disappointment on his face and sank his head down into his hands. "I'm not asking for my old role back, I just want to stay here and work. That's all," his voice was shaking slightly.

Elizabeth sighed patiently. "No, Rodney," she continued gently. "We want you to resume your role as Chief Scientist."

"What?" McKay looked up with an incredulous expression. "I thought that I was the crazy one with the flawed judgement around here? Haven't you been listening to what I've told you over the past two days?" McKay stood up and then sat down abruptly. "What about Radek? You can't just take this away from him! It's not fair," he continued.

"Rodney, as soon as Radek deciphered your message he's been planning how he will hand everything back over to you," Sheppard interjected.

"But, but, why?" stuttered McKay. "I can't believe it."

"It's true; Rodney and you had better believe it. For the past four months I've been looking for ways to divide the Chief Scientist's responsibilities between more of the team. And at Radek's insistence Colonel Caldwell has been negotiating on my behalf with Lieutenant Colonel Carter to come here and take on the role. So far without success." Elizabeth laid a hand on Rodney's arm and said, "You're a hard act to follow Rodney and there aren't many people who want to take up the challenge although I think, if you hadn't got back, Lieutenant Colonel Carter would have given in eventually."

"What! You were going to give my job to her? That's rich…." For a moment outrage replaced the disbelief on McKay's face. "No, no, no, no, no, wait. How can you do this? What if I have been compromised? Huh? What about that? No-one here is smart enough to spot that if I'm back in my old role!" McKay looked triumphant and accusatory as he made his point.

Caldwell leant forward and said, "Dr McKay, it is our considered opinion is that if you had been compromised and if you didn't want to be caught no-one would be able to spot it anyway…"

His words took the wind out of McKay's sails and he looked questioningly from Elizabeth and then back to Sheppard who gave him the uncomfortable smirk he recognised as meaning, I'm never going to say this aloud but, yes, you are smarter than everyone I know.

"We want you to go back to Earth for a few weeks for a full debriefing at SGC and some rest and recuperation time. I will be going with you for the debriefing. The rest of the time will be your own," said Elizabeth as if the matter was settled. McKay slowly nodded and a smile began to tug at the corner of his mouth.

"There are some conditions, Rodney," Elizabeth stared meaningfully at McKay who now had a fully fledged foolish grin on his face.

"And they are?"

"You will be expected to attend three counselling sessions with Dr Heightmeyer every week and you will only be allowed back on off-world duties when both she and Carson decide you are fit."

"Oh you have got to be kidding me?" The foolish grin was replaced with an exasperated expression as he threw his hands into the air. "How will I be able to get anything done if I'm spending three hours a week with Heightmeyer? You don't expect me to go and see Carson every week do you?" Sighing again, he leant back in his chair dramatically and then froze. "What about Sora?" he asked berating himself silently for loosing sight of that question in his relief.

"Well, as a member of the team that runs this expedition, I want to hear your view on what we should. You can't shirk this, Rodney. She's your responsibility."

They couldn't be asking him this. He'd made it so clear that this shouldn't be his decision to make. Didn't they realise that he wasn't to be trusted? That if she hadn't defected he would have stayed with the Genii?

"No, no, no. You can't, I can't…" his voice trailed off and he thought back to his silent vigil sitting next to Sora. The hours spent analysing his actions and facing up to reality. He looked up and met Elizabeth's calm eyes with a panicked rabbit-caught-in-the-headlights look. His throat was dry.

"As a member of the team who run this expedition, we want your opinion," Elizabeth repeated.

McKay made a strangled sound that was lost in the silence of the room. He swallowed again and then realised that they did trust him that this was his decision to make and it was his responsibility. In fact, he was probably the only one who make this decision. He was silent for a few moments as he considered his words and when he did speak, his voice was calm and measured.

"I recommend that asylum is granted and that we offer her a role. She could provide us with a tactical advantage in many situations. I believe that she could supply us with much useful information regarding Genii outposts but we should avoid putting her in a situation where there would be a conflict of loyalties. She's best suited to field work and a guide role, similar to Teyla's, would be the best way to make the most of her skills."

"Thank you, Rodney." Elizabeth smiled warmly at him and he knew he'd said the right thing. "I'd like you to go and extend our offer to Sora and let her know where she really is."

McKay nodded and then headed out of the conference towards the Infirmary.

* * *

Sora was bored.

She was feeling better and wanted no more than to leave the room she was cooped up in. McKay had been gone for hours and she had no-one to talk to and nothing to do. She lay back down on her bed and closed her eyes.

She was also nervous. She still didn't know if she could stay with the Lanteans and even though she doubted she would be cast aside she wanted to know what her future was going to be. She had settled into a fretful doze when McKay came into the room pushing a wheel chair.

"I thought that you might like to get out," he said. "Carson said I can take you out for a walk so long as you're back within the hour. So, do you want to hop on board?" he asked patting the wheelchair.

Sora smiled at him and held out her arms to indicate her willingness. He helped her into the wheel chair and made her comfortable.

He took hold of the handle and started to push the wheelchair out of the room and then suddenly stopped and said, "Before we go, there is something I need to tell you. I lied to you, Sora. Or rather, I didn't tell you the truth."

Her heart sank and she asked numbly, "How, about what?"

"It's easier to show you, "and with that he started pushing the wheel chair out of the room. She tried to turn to see his face but couldn't due to the pain in her side and she sat quietly as they made their way down a long room.

"What is this place?" she asked nervously wanting to fill the unaccustomed silence between them. "You said it was an Ancient outpost that your people had found, yes?"

"Not exactly," he replied with a nervous smile and continued pushing the wheel chair along until they came to a transporter.

Realisation flooded over her. It couldn't be but it was…. "It wasn't destroyed….." she whispered. "You never left."

They stepped out of the transporter and made their way down the corridor to the control room where he stopped in front of the Stargate. Sora began to laugh and laugh and laugh until her peals of laughter turned to tears and she was crying. She struggled to speak and clumsily wiped at the tears on her face with her sleeve.

McKay ignored the curious glances that were being thrown in their direction, turned the wheelchair around and pushed it out of the room, along a corridor and out onto a balcony. He stopped the chair close to the rail so that Sora could see out over the sea. He moved to lean on the rail next to her and cautiously watched her out of the corner of his eye. She was gradually getting herself back under control.

"So?" he asked after a few moments.

"All things considered, Rodney, I will forgive you for lying to me," she finally managed to say. He smiled and stood there considering what to say next.

"What happens now?" she asked after a few minutes had passed.

"Well, this is the part where I explain our offer to you," McKay was nervous. "They would…. no, we would like you to stay and to join us. It's not so much asylum as an offer to join our expedition. You could, we thought, that is, if you wanted, you can work with one of the off-world teams as a guide… once you're well that is…. And if you want to…" He was struggling with the words, trying desperately not to coerce her as he had been coerced.

"Are you offering me a place in your society? A chance to integrate?" Sora asked quietly.

"No!" he exclaimed and then continued, "Well, yes, but only if you want it." She said nothing, just sat there staring out across the waves, feeling the stiff sea breeze on her skin.

As her silence continued he began to panic.

"It's not integration, I promise you that. If you want you can have a role similar to Teyla's. She's still the leader of the Athosians and plays a valuable role in our expedition… And… and… if you don't want to stay we'll help you find another home," he said finally.

His words cut her to the core of her being. He wanted her to go… She steadfastly stared ahead of her, not looking at him and asked, "Is that what you want, Rodney? For me to find another home?"

McKay groaned and bent his head down until it was resting on the rail. "No, I don't," he replied softly, "you should know that."

The cold metal felt good against his forehead. He considered what he should say next and then turned to stand facing her with his back against the rail.

"Sora, I'm not nice. I'm not good with people, I'm obnoxious and a workaholic. We both know that under normal circumstances you'd still think I was an arrogant jerk and I'd still think you were a member of a fairly primitive society, although a pretty hot one. But this isn't, by any definition, normal circumstances, Sora and no I don't want you to go. I want you to stay. Here. With me. But I would understand it if you wanted to leave and start afresh somewhere else."

He crouched down besides her and took her left hand in his right and entwined his fingers with hers. He could feel the warmth of her palm against his that was cold from gripping the rail.

"It's your choice, Sora, but know that I want you to stay," he said softly.

Sora was staring at their hands and gradually looked up to meet McKay's intense blue gaze. She'd not thought of what would happen after they escaped. She hadn't dared think of it in case it didn't happen. But it had. But was this what she wanted? She had wanted to get away from the Genii but where had she wanted to go? She wanted to help McKay but how could she count on a man who had been so hurt and abused by her and her people? Could he ever forgive her and could she ever forgive herself?

She opened her mouth to speak and then stopped. McKay's expression was almost comical. He'd laid his heart out for her to take it if she wanted. She could see the hope fading in his eyes. He flushed slightly and then broke his eyes away from hers. He'd suffered so much she couldn't risk hurting him again. He tried to free his hand but she held on to it tightly realising that this was what she wanted. More than that, it was what she needed.

She reached up and laid her right hand on his cheek forcing him to look at her. His skin felt cold.

"When I started on this I never thought that this would happen. All I wanted was to get away and to help you to repay the kindness that you and people had shown me. As part of that I had to manipulate you and your feelings. I never wanted to hurt you, Rodney, but I did because I had to," she stated plainly. She took a deep breath and continued, "I didn't plan for my feelings to change but they did. I care for you but now you are back here and I would understand if your feelings were to change. There is probably someone you'd rather be with. The manipulation is over, Rodney. The acting is over."

He smiled at her.

"I worried about that too you know. Do you remember when I shouted at you about Stockholm Syndrome and how it would never happen to me? Well, it did. I went and spoke to our shrink about it." Sora looked confused. When he noticed her confusion McKay explained, "Dr Heightmeyer, our psychologist." Sora's brow cleared with understanding.

"I know that what I feel didn't develop normally but," McKay gathered his courage together and said the words he'd never said before," I love you, Sora and I can't see that changing."

Sora looked into his eyes and saw the truth there and in a voice that was a mere whisper she replied, "I love you too, Rodney and, if you want me, I'll stay."


	22. Chapter 22

Part 22 - Epilogue

He stared at the unconscious man in front of him.

It had taken a combination of hard work and good luck to get hold of him. Now he had and he would finally get answers to the question that had been burning in him for months.

He checked his watch. It had been 45 minutes since he'd brought the man down with a drugged dart. That meant it would be at least another 15 minutes before he woke up. He estimated he would have around three hours until his prisoner's friends started to miss him. He hoped that would be enough time to achieve what he wanted.

He knelt to check the ropes that bound the unconscious figure to the supporting beam in the middle of the run down barn and then sat there, patiently waiting for him to wake.

A good twenty minutes passed before his prisoner showed any sign of regaining consciousness. He watched the play of expressions across the familiar features as his prisoner groped his way towards consciousness. Initial confusion was quickly replaced by fear when the prisoner realised his situation. Then the fear was replaced by an expression of defiance and anger.

"Kolya!" the man spat out his name.

Kolya smiled coldly. "Dr McKay. It has been some time since we had the pleasure of meeting," he replied.

"What the hell do you want?" demanded McKay.

Kolya said nothing, he just watched as McKay struggled against the ropes that bound him tightly.

"I asked you a question, Kolya. What the hell is this? Are you here to take me back? What are you doing?" McKay realised his struggles were futile so he gave up and stared back at Kolya.

"I'm not here to take you back, McKay," Kolya stated flatly.

"Then what the hell is this?" McKay gave another frustrated tug at the ropes and let his head fall back against the beam.

Kolya sat down in front of McKay, slowly drew out his knife and tested its edge with his thumb. McKay's eyes were drawn to the blade.

Kolya waited for a few more minutes and then asked mildly, "Where is Sora?"

Surprised at the question, McKay dragged his attention away from the knife. "She's not here so don't even think you can get your hands on her," he snapped back.

Kolya held up his hand and McKay fell silent and waited.

"You are going to tell me where she is and what you have done with her," he said in a low threatening voice and then, in a movement to quick to follow, he was kneeling up close to McKay holding the knife to his throat.

McKay was straining to keep his exposed flesh away from the knife.

"What, what, what do you mean?" he gasped out.

"I've been watching you, McKay. And I've been watching Sora. I know that for the past three years she's been working for you Lanteans. She's been a member of one of your teams. She even dresses like you. But Sora's not been seen for 10 months now, McKay and I want to know where my clan sister is."

Kolya ran the knife down McKay's neck until it was resting just below his Adam's apple. "Where is she, McKay? Don't you remember what I said to you the last time we met? That if you harmed her, I would kill you?" McKay nodded minutely. "So tell me what has happened to her."

McKay swallowed nervously before he spoke again, "Top pocket... Photos."

Kolya gave him a questioning look and eased the pressure of the knife slightly.

"There are pictures in my pocket. Look at them," McKay stuttered.

Kolya searched through McKay's jacket and found a slim wallet. He quickly rummaged through it until he found the pictures. He let the wallet fall to the floor and slowly examined them.

Eventually he asked, "What is the child's name?"

"Samuel Tyrus McKay," answered McKay softly. "We call him Sam."

Kolya nodded slowly trying to absorb McKay's words and wondering what he should do next.

His mission was unsanctioned, Cowen had written the whole episode of McKay's integration off as a failure but Kolya had never forgotten his clan sister and the man who had caused her to desert her clan and her home. All he had wanted was to find out what had happened to her and now he knew.

He felt a stab of jealously as he leafed through the pictures of Sora, McKay and her baby, no; he corrected himself, their baby. The child was young, no more than a few months but Kolya could see he had his maternal grandfather's eyes but his father's sharp features were clearly recognisable.

Kolya had lost his family to the Wraith and although he had found a new home with Genii he had never had a family of his own, just his clan and his ties to them were strong.

He sat there in silence for a long time.

Eventually he moved, tucking the pictures into his coat and then he spoke, "There is something that you should never forget, Dr McKay. Sora is my clan sister – you are charged with caring for her. If you fail her, I will kill you. Never forget this." With that he stood up, picked up the knife from the floor where he had let it fall, walked around behind McKay and swiftly cut the ropes at his wrists. Then he threw the knife point down in the sand near McKay's feet and walked towards the door.

He paused and turned to look at McKay who was sitting in shocked silence.

"Look after her, McKay," he ordered and then left, disappearing into the thick forest that grew closely up and around the abandoned buildings.

McKay shivered as he worked to free himself unable to shake off the feeling that Kolya was still watching him and always would be.

hr 

To all readers,

Please let me know what you think of this story. I would really appreciate your views on what I did right or wrong so I can improve my writing for the next ones (I have three plot bunnies refusing to let me sleep until I write them down).

This is my first ever fanfic (so please be gentle and constructive with any feedback)!

Thanks so much to EVERYONE who has left reviews so far. It's great to know that someone has read this and has cared enough to comment.

Special thanks to pennydreadful who started beta-ing for me from part 5 onwards.

Kat Ellis


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